How EMDR Therapy for Trauma Helps You Process Grief and Loss
- Dana Carretta-Stein
- Oct 21
- 4 min read
Updated: Nov 23
Healing Heartbreak Without Forcing ‘Closure’
Understanding Grief and Its Impact on the Brain
Grief isn’t just sadness. It’s a full-body, full-brain experience that can alter your sense of time, safety, and meaning.
You might feel numb one minute and flooded with emotion the next. It’s common to struggle with focus, sleep, or daily tasks. You may feel as if the world has moved on while you’re standing still. This is because grief impacts the very systems that regulate our emotions and reactions.
The amygdala, our fear center, becomes hyper-alert. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for logic and planning, can go offline. Even your immune system and digestion can shift in response to deep emotional pain.
If you have a history of trauma, grief can hit even harder. It stirs up old wounds, awakens attachment injuries, and compounds what your nervous system is already holding. This is why many people seeking EMDR therapy for trauma also carry unresolved grief—sometimes from recent losses, sometimes from long ago.
Using EMDR Therapy to Process Loss Without “Letting Go”
Let’s be clear: Grief doesn’t have an endpoint. You don’t simply “get over it.” Instead, you learn to live with it.
Sometimes, you’re not just grieving the loss; you’re stuck in the trauma surrounding it. This can include:
The suddenness of the death
The moment you received the news
The last conversation you had
Feelings of guilt or helplessness
The things you never got to say
This is where EMDR therapy becomes incredibly supportive. Rather than forcing you to relive the pain, EMDR helps you reprocess it. This way, the memory no longer sends your nervous system into overdrive.
✨ You still remember.
✨ You still feel.
But the grief no longer feels unmanageable.
EMDR helps you:
Process the shock, fear, or regret surrounding the loss
Release stuck trauma responses like dissociation, panic, or guilt
Access a felt sense of safety while still honoring your loved one
Make space for memory without being overwhelmed by pain
The goal isn’t to forget. It’s to hold grief more gently—without drowning in it.
Integrating Memory and Meaning in Grief
One of the most healing aspects of grief work is integration. This means weaving the story of your loss into your life in a way that brings meaning, not just pain.
EMDR therapy for trauma supports this process beautifully. Instead of staying stuck in the moment of loss, your brain begins to link that memory with what came before—and what still matters now.
This integration might look like:
Feeling love and sadness without shutting down
Remembering your loved one without reliving the trauma
Releasing beliefs like “It’s my fault” or “I should’ve done more”
Creating rituals, stories, or keepsakes that preserve meaning
EMDR doesn’t erase what happened; it changes your relationship to it. You might still cry. You might still miss them. You might still ache sometimes. But it won’t control your every breath. You’ll find space to live again—with love and loss existing side by side.
You Can Carry Grief Differently
If you’re navigating grief and it feels like too much to carry alone, remember: you’re not broken—you’re human.
With the support of EMDR therapy, you can begin to feel like you again. Not the version of you frozen in loss, but the one who can hold both pain and peace at once.
You don’t have to rush to move on. You don’t have to let go of what mattered. You can heal without forgetting.
Practical Steps for Healing at Home
Journaling Your Journey
One effective way to process grief is through journaling. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can provide clarity. It allows you to express emotions that might be difficult to verbalize.
Mindfulness and Meditation
Incorporating mindfulness and meditation into your daily routine can help ground you. These practices encourage you to stay present, which can be especially helpful during moments of overwhelming grief.
Seeking Support
Don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Whether it’s friends, family, or a therapist, sharing your feelings can lighten your burden. Sometimes, just knowing you’re not alone can bring comfort.
Creating Rituals
Consider creating rituals to honor your loved one. This could be lighting a candle, visiting a special place, or celebrating their birthday in a meaningful way. Rituals can help you feel connected and provide a sense of peace.
Internal Resources
Book Therapy at Peaceful Living Counseling
Feeling ready to take the next step in your healing journey? Dana’s team at Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling offers EMDR therapy and trauma-informed support both in-person (Scarsdale, NY) and virtually.
Start Healing at Home with The EMDR Therapy Progress Journal
Not quite ready for therapy? Dana’s EMDR Therapy Progress Journal is the perfect self-paced tool. It blends neuroscience-backed strategies, practical prompts, and actionable steps to help you:
✅ Track emotional triggers
✅ Build coping skills
✅ Understand how past experiences shape your present
Go Deeper in Your Healing Journey
📚 Check out my blogs at The EMDR Coach, where I break down EMDR concepts, trauma education, and practical healing strategies you can start today.
About Dana Carretta-Stein
Dana Carretta-Stein is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and founder of Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling, PLLC, and Carretta Consulting in Scarsdale, NY.
She is a certified EMDR therapist and EMDRIA Approved Consultant. Dana is an expert in trauma-informed care in Westchester, NY.
Dana is also a skilled business coach for wellness practitioners looking to build and grow their private practice.
Check out Dana's website to learn more about her and EMDR Therapy:
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