What EMDR Therapists Wish Their Clients Knew About Trauma Memory
- Dana Carretta-Stein
- 1 day ago
- 4 min read
Your brain isn’t trying to torture you. It’s trying to keep you safe—even if it’s getting it all wrong.
If you’re considering EMDR therapy (or you’re already in it), you might wonder:
“Why can’t I just forget this?”
Or maybe you’re frustrated that no matter how much you talk about what happened, it still hits you like a freight train.
As an EMDR therapist (and EMDRIA Approved Consultant), I can tell you—this isn’t about willpower, weakness, or “just letting it go.”
Your trauma memory works differently.
And understanding how and why is the first step to truly healing it.
This is the conversation I wish every client (and therapist) had before starting EMDR.
Your Memory Isn’t a Filing Cabinet
One of the biggest myths I hear:
“If I talk about it enough, I’ll just get over it.”
That’s how narrative memory works.
✅ Birthdays.
✅ Vacations.
✅ Random Tuesday details.
Those live in your explicit memory—conscious, organized, time-stamped.
But trauma?
It often ends up stored in implicit memory:
Body sensations
Emotions without words
Fragmented images
Somatic responses (heart racing, stomach knots)
It’s not time-stamped. Your brain treats it like it’s happening now.
That’s why you can know you’re safe logically, but your body says: RUN.
EMDR Doesn’t Erase Memories—It Transforms Them
Here’s the other big misconception:
“EMDR will help me forget what happened.”
No.
EMDR won’t delete your memories like a hard drive.
What it does is help your brain store them adaptively, so they’re not stuck on repeat.
✅ Before EMDR: “I’m in danger right now.”
✅ After EMDR: “It happened. It’s over. I survived.”
Your nervous system learns the difference between then and now.
The Neuroscience of Stuck Trauma
When something traumatic happens, your brain’s normal processing can get hijacked.
Imagine your brain’s filing clerk screaming:
“This is an emergency! Just shove it anywhere!”
That memory ends up fragmented and unprocessed.
Later, a trigger brings it roaring back:
A smell
A tone of voice
A place that looks similar
Your brain isn’t trying to hurt you. It’s trying to keep you safe.
It’s just using outdated information.
Why “Just Talking About It” Isn’t Enough
Traditional talk therapy can help you:
✅ Understand what happened
✅ Gain insight
✅ Feel less alone
But for many trauma survivors, insight alone doesn’t shift the implicit memory.
You can know you’re not in danger and still have panic attacks.
EMDR works by:
Activating the memory network
Applying bilateral stimulation (eye movements, tapping)
Letting the brain reprocess and store the memory in a more adaptive way
Dual Attention: The Secret Sauce of EMDR
One reason EMDR is so effective? Dual attention.
You’re asked to:
✅ Recall distressing memories
✅ While focusing on something safe and grounding (like BLS)
This creates enough distance that your brain can process without reliving.
It’s not about retraumatizing—it’s about reprocessing.
What Clients Need to Know Before EMDR
If you’re considering EMDR, you deserve to know:
✅ It’s not quick-and-dirty magic.
✅ Preparation is essential.
✅ Feeling safe with your therapist is non-negotiable.
✅ It’s okay to pause if you get overwhelmed.
You also deserve to know your therapist’s training.
Ask:
Are you EMDRIA Certified?
How do you help clients prepare?
How do you handle dissociation or flooding?
✅ Check-out this blog to know what 👉 5 Questions to Ask an EMDR therapist
✅ Want to work with a therapist who’s trained and trauma-informed?
For Therapists: Stop Minimizing Trauma Memory
Some therapists feel pressured to “just do EMDR” quickly.
But you have to respect the way trauma memory is stored:
✅ Implicit.
✅ Sensory.
✅ Emotional.
✅ Non-linear.
If you don’t help clients prepare to work with this? You risk:
❌ Flooding
❌ Dissociation
❌ Dropout
Ethical EMDR practice means:
Educating your clients about how memory works
Teaching regulation and resourcing
Titrating and pacing reprocessing
✅ Need help structuring your sessions?
✅ Need Support Navigating Trauma Memory in EMDR? Let’s Talk. 🧠💬
👉 Book a consultation with Dana here and get expert, compassionate support for your clinical decisions.
Real-Life Analogy: The Wound That Won’t Heal
Think of trauma like a physical wound that was never cleaned.
It scabs over, but inside it’s infected.
Triggers pick at the scab.
EMDR is the process of:
🩹 Cleaning it out
🩹 Letting it heal correctly
It might hurt in the short term—but you’re not just slapping on a new Band-Aid.
You’re actually healing.
Why This Matters
You don’t deserve to spend your life avoiding reminders, overthinking, or panicking over things that happened years ago.
You deserve:
✅ Safety
✅ Connection
✅ Peace
But getting there means understanding your trauma memory, so you can work with your brain—not against it.
Tools That Speak the Language of EMDR 🧩
If you’re an EMDR therapist, you know the work goes far beyond bilateral stimulation. That’s why Dana created a library of downloadable EMDR workbooks and worksheets—designed specifically for therapists to use with clients before, during, and after reprocessing.
These resources help your clients prepare for EMDR, understand their symptoms, and stay engaged in the healing process between sessions.
Whether you're introducing the Window of Tolerance or guiding a Phase 2 resourcing practice, these tools do more than explain—they empower.
🎯 Ready to streamline your prep and deepen your sessions?
About Dana Carretta-Stein, EMDR Therapist & Consultant
Dana Carretta-Stein is a licensed mental health counselor and owner of Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling, a trauma informed counseling practice in Scarsdale, NY. Dana is passionate about the importance of trauma informed care and the effect it has on emotional, physical and mental well-being. She loves to learn about and educate others on compassionate, evidence-based, and effective counseling interventions to help individuals of all ages achieve fulfilling relationships and optimal wellness.
Dana is a specialist and avid enthusiast of EMDR Therapy, one of the most effective evidenced based treatments for trauma, and uses it regularly in her practice. As an EMDRIA Approved Consultant, she provides consultation to other EMDR therapists across the globe to help them enhance their learning, confidence and skills as an EMDR Therapist.
Comments