Coming Out, Healing, and Living Out Loud: A Pride Month Conversation
- Dana Carretta-Stein
- Jun 27
- 5 min read
Featuring EMDR Therapist Dana & LGBTQ+ Advocate Frank
What does Pride really mean beyond the rainbows, parades, and hashtags? For Frank, it’s not a month—it’s a mindset. In this heartfelt Pride Month interview, Dana (an EMDR therapist) and Frank (a gay man and mental health advocate) dive deep into what it means to live authentically, process trauma, and break generational silence. Together, they explore identity, healing, and the daily courage it takes to show up as your full self.
Pride Is More Than a Month: It's a Daily Act of Defiance
Frank opens up about growing up in a deeply religious and cultural environment where queerness was framed as shameful and sinful. For years, he lived in what he calls “the metaphorical closet”—a dark, isolating place where self-denial felt safer than truth.
But Pride, for Frank, is about walking out of that closet and into the light.
“The closet isn’t just a metaphor—it’s a way of life many of us survived. But it’s not where we’re meant to live.”
Therapy: The Bridge from Survival to Self-Acceptance
While Frank first entered therapy after the trauma of 9/11, it was through that journey that deeper healing emerged. Working with an EMDR therapist helped him unravel inherited beliefs about his worth and identity.
“I realized the thoughts I had about myself weren’t mine. They were handed down through fear, religion, and culture.”
Coming Out: When the Choice Isn’t Yours
Frank shares the pain of being outed by a friend before he was ready. It was a powerful reminder that coming out is a personal decision, and no one has the right to make that choice for someone else.
“People say, ‘Just tell me—I already know.’ But it’s not your story to tell. Just be there with open arms.”
His story underscores why it’s crucial to create spaces—like therapy—where people can explore identity on their own timeline.
Family, Rejection, and Finding Your People
Frank's experience with his father, who initially rejected him, highlights a truth many in the LGBTQ+ community know too well: not everyone will respond with love. But therapy gave Frank the tools to hold both his own worth and his father’s fear without losing himself.
“I stopped living in the shadows. I realized—life is too short to hide.”
And as Frank says: finding “your people”—the ones who love you without condition—is everything.
Pride Is Also Protest
While many celebrate legal milestones, the fight for LGBTQ+ rights continues—especially for trans and non-binary communities. Frank and Dana stress that healing and activism go hand in hand.
“Hurt people hurt people. But healed people heal people.”
Being proud means being vocal. It means showing up. It means saying, “This is who I am—and I won’t be erased.”
You Are Not Alone
Whether you’re out and proud or still navigating the shadows, know this: there is a hand reaching out. Pride is personal. Therapy is powerful. And you are never too much, too late, or too far gone to come home to yourself.
“Be brave. Be proud. And if you need someone—we’re here.”
If this story moved you, share it with someone who needs to hear it.
📺 Watch the full interview on Youtube.
🌈 Subscribe to The EMDR Coach YouTube Channel for more trauma-informed conversations.
🧠 Looking for support? Book a consultation or explore our therapy resources at The Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling.
For many, the journey to self-acceptance is layered with trauma, silence, and survival. That’s why tools that support emotional processing—like EMDR therapy—are so essential.
Whether you’re a therapist or someone doing the inner work, The EMDR Therapy Progress Journal is designed to help track progress, regulate emotions, and deepen the healing journey between sessions.
See Full Conversation Transcript of Dana and Frank below:
🎙️ Dana: What does Pride mean to you?
🧔 Frank:
Pride isn’t just a one-month celebration—it’s a daily act of self-affirmation. While June brings visibility to LGBTQ+ struggles and history, real pride is about how we live every day, especially as a gay man. It’s about stepping out of the shadows and honoring who we truly are.
🧠 Dana: What helped you step into that?
🧔 Frank:
Therapy. EMDR and trauma work helped me unlearn the guilt and shame I carried from being raised Catholic in both Italian and Argentinian cultures, where homosexuality was labeled a sin. I internalized that fear. Therapy helped me recognize those irrational beliefs weren’t mine—they were inherited.
🧔 Frank:
As a child, I hid parts of myself—acted more masculine, avoided dolls, dated women. I lived in the metaphorical “closet,” dark and lonely. I didn’t even go to therapy for this at first; I started after experiencing 9/11 trauma. But in healing that, I uncovered my deeper truth: I wasn’t living authentically.
My therapist helped me see I was depressed and disconnected. That wake-up call—the trauma, the realization—made me stop living in fear. Life is too short.
🧠 Dana: What was coming out like for you?
🧔 Frank:
It was complicated. I came out to myself at 21 but suppressed it. My “coming out” was taken from me. A friend outed me to others without my consent. It was painful and deeply violating. I always tell parents and allies: it’s not your story to tell. Let your loved one come to you when they’re ready—just be there with open arms.
🧔 Frank:
Eventually, I told my cousin, Claudia. She was my anchor—kept my secret for years and supported me fully. That allowed me to begin owning my identity more openly.
🧠 Dana: How did your family react?
🧔 Frank:
My mom was loving and supportive. My dad, not so much. When I told him, he said, “I had so many plans for you.” It wasn’t about me—it was about how others would perceive him. That crushed me. He even had a health scare days later and blamed my coming out for it. I felt immense guilt.
But therapy reminded me: it wasn’t my fault. I can’t control his reaction. I chose to live as I am—not in fear, not in shame. And I’m done hiding.
💬 Frank’s Advice to Others:
If you’re struggling, you’re not alone.
There are people out there who will love you just as you are.
Therapy gives you a safe space to be you—even if that changes over time.
Finding the right therapist is like dating—give it a few sessions and see if it clicks.
💡 Dana:
Exactly. As therapists, we work to ensure clients feel safe, respected, and supported. We also need to recognize when we may not be the right fit and make referrals ethically. That’s why those first 1–3 sessions are so important—it’s the “dating phase.”
🌍 Frank:
For LGBTQ+ people in small towns or conservative areas, it can feel isolating. You may fear seeing a therapist who’s part of your community or doesn't understand your experience. That’s why inclusive, trauma-informed care matters so much.
🔥 Frank on Pride & Activism:
Pride is also defiance. It’s about standing up, saying “No, this is who I am,” and fighting systems that try to suppress us. The fight isn't over, especially with attacks on trans people and queer rights. We must keep resisting, educating, and speaking up.
🧠 Dana:
When we don’t address our own trauma, we project it. Hurt people hurt people—but healed people heal people. And that’s what we’re here for. We want this conversation to be a hand reaching out to anyone who feels alone.
✨ Final Message from Frank:
Even in your darkest hours, there's always a light—a hand reaching out. You just have to look for it. Be brave. Be proud. And if you can’t find anyone else, reach out to me or Dana. We’re here. You are not alone.
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