Episode 14: Marriage in the Hard Years with Eric Stein
- 2 days ago
- 27 min read
Marriage in the Hard Years: Staying Connected While Raising Kids, Running Businesses, and Growing Together
What does Marriage in the Hard Years actually look like when two people are raising young kids, running demanding businesses, managing a household, and trying to stay connected through all of it?
It doesn't mean never fighting.
It doesn't mean you're always patient, perfectly regulated, or great at communicating.
And apparently, sometimes it involves your husband describing being married to a therapist as "torture."
In Episode 14 of The Truth About Healing, Dana Carretta-Stein sits down with a very special guest, her husband, Eric Stein.
Dana and Eric have been together for nearly 14 years. In that time, they've grown their careers, built businesses, gone to couples therapy, become parents, and learned quite a bit about how differently two people can process the exact same situation.
Now, with two young children and two demanding careers, Dana describes them as being right in the middle of the "hard years."
This episode isn't about pretending they have marriage figured out.
It's about what they've learned from doing it together.
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Episode Highlights
n this episode, Dana and Eric get candid about what marriage looks like during a demanding season of life. They discuss:
Why Dana calls this season of parenting and marriage the "hard years"
How their different personalities and strengths create both conflict and balance
Why couples therapy has remained a valuable part of their nearly 14-year relationship
What Eric has learned about emotions, vulnerability, and therapy as a man
Why timing matters when you're trying to have a deeper conversation with your partner
How therapy has influenced Eric's parenting, leadership, and approach to business
Why feeling anxious doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong
How discipline can carry you when motivation isn't there
How Dana and Eric divide parenting, work, and household responsibilities without forcing themselves into traditional roles
Why being intentional matters when you're raising kids, building businesses, and trying to stay connected
Eric's "tuition" mindset for learning from mistakes instead of only seeing them as failures
Memorable Quote
"If your pipes are broken, you're gonna call a plumber. If there's relational conflict, call a therapist." - Eric Stein
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Further Learning & Resources
Discover journals, workbooks, consultation resources, and recommended tools designed to support both personal healing and professional growth.
EMDR Therapy Progress Journal
The EMDR Therapy Progress Journal helps clients track healing progress, identify
patterns, document insights, and stay connected to their therapeutic journey between sessions.
Perfect for:
EMDR clients
Trauma recovery work
Reflection between sessions
Tracking healing milestones
EMDR Coach Treatment Planning Workbook
Designed specifically for EMDR therapists, this workbook helps simplify case
conceptualization, target sequencing, and treatment planning.
Ideal for:
EMDR-trained clinicians
EMDR consultation groups
Organizing complex cases
Strengthening treatment planning skills
Meet Eric Stein
Eric Stein began his career in real estate at just 18 years old and has spent more than 20 years building businesses in the industry.
He is the owner of RE/MAX Distinguished Homes & Properties in Tuckahoe, New York, where he leads a top-producing brokerage. As an individual agent, Eric ranks among the top 1% of Westchester County Realtors, and his work has also included buying, renovating, and flipping properties throughout Westchester and the Bronx.
Eric has presented at national conferences on negotiation and strategy and has earned recognition including the RE/MAX Diamond Team Award.
He is passionate about helping buyers, sellers, investors, and real estate professionals make informed decisions, but in this episode, he trades real estate strategy for a very different conversation about marriage, therapy, fatherhood, emotions, and what he's learned from doing his own work.
And yes, he voluntarily agreed to be interviewed by his therapist wife.
Connect with Eric:
Westchester Home Source:https://www.westchesterhomesource.com
Westchester Home Sale:https://www.westchesterhomesale.com
Meet Our Host Dana Carretta-Stein, LMHC
Dana Carretta-Stein is an LMHC, EMDRIA Approved Consultant, founder of The EMDR Coach, and founder of Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling (PLMHC).
Her work focuses on trauma-informed therapy, nervous system healing, EMDR therapy, attachment patterns, and helping people understand the deeper roots behind emotional and behavioral patterns.
Dana blends neuroscience, trauma-informed education, and direct honesty in a way that helps listeners feel both validated and challenged to think differently about healing.
Her core belief: Symptoms make sense when you understand the nervous system underneath them.
Trauma-Informed Therapy Through PLMHC
Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling provides trauma-informed therapy for children, teens, and adults.
Services include support for:
Overthinking
Burnout
Trauma
Emotional overwhelm
Nervous system dysregulation
PLMHC offers in-person therapy in Scarsdale and virtual therapy throughout New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, and Florida.
If you’ve been searching for trauma-informed therapy in Westchester or EMDR therapy in Scarsdale, support is available.
Full Episode Transcript
Episode 14: Marriage in the Hard Years with Eric Stein
Editor’s note: This transcript has been lightly edited for readability. Filler words, repeated words, and obvious transcription errors have been cleaned up while preserving the substance, humor, examples, and sequence of the original conversation.
Dana:Welcome to another episode of The Truth About Healing, the podcast that's here to challenge everything you think you knew about therapy.
I'm Dana Carretta-Stein, EMDR and neuro-informed therapist, and I'm on a mission to help 10 million people change their patterns, relationships, and future generations by teaching them how to gain control of their nervous system.
Let's go with it.
On our episode of The Truth About Healing today, we have our guest, and it's a very special guest for me, my husband, Eric Stein.
Eric Stein got his start in real estate at just 18 years old, and over the past 20-plus years, you're very old, he has become one of the top professionals in the country, ranked in the top 1.5% of all agents nationwide by Real Trends America's Best.
Today, he runs three businesses at once, four if you count managing me.
As owner of RE/MAX Distinguished Homes & Properties in Tuckahoe, New York, he leads a top-producing brokerage. As an individual agent, he ranks among the top 1% of Westchester County Realtors. And as a real estate developer, he buys, renovates, and flips properties throughout Westchester and the Bronx.
A recognized authority in his field, Eric has presented at national conferences on negotiation and strategy, and his results have earned him the RE/MAX Diamond Team Award and a reputation that reaches across the greater New York metropolitan area.
Eric is passionate about real estate and the role a home plays in building wealth, security, and a better quality of life. He loves educating buyers, sellers, and investors on smart, strategic, and stress-free ways to navigate one of the biggest financial decisions of their lives.
Beyond his businesses, Eric is an incredible husband and father, the kind of partner and dad who shows up fully for his family. He and his wife, this crazy chick, Dana, are a power couple, both building thriving businesses side by side while raising their two young tiny tornadoes.
He pours the same dedication, heart, and drive into his family that he brings to every deal in the real estate world.
Eric Stein, welcome to The Truth About Healing.
Eric:Thank you. Thank you for having me. You brave soul.
I was invited on. I was scared, nervous, threatened for my life. You know, the normal stuff.
The bio is great, but I think I have a few more jobs. I think managing you is at least three or four jobs.
Dana:I would venture to say that is probably true.
Yesterday was Father's Day, so we're filming at kind of the perfect time. Yesterday, Larry put in his card that you're balanced and patient, basically everything I'm not.
Eric:Yep. Yep.
Dana:But this kind of segues into our chat today because our relationship, everything we do, we're both self-employed, and balance is what I think we both bring to the table.
Not individually, but my strengths and weaknesses and your strengths and weaknesses really do have a lovely balancing impact.
Eric:I agree.
Dana:I just wanted to have an honest conversation about us and how our lives are insane.
Eric:Just a little bit.
Dana:They're crazy, and our relationship works. We have a lot of hard conversations, and we have two very demanding businesses.
So I wanted to have one of those conversations about how we navigate all of that, and hopefully some of it will be relatable to anyone listening.
Eric:One hundred percent.
It's a hard thing that we balance out between work, giving each other grace, who's got the kids, who's doing this around the house, what are we planning for that?
It does take two different mindsets. They say opposites attract for a reason, and I think that really does play a lot into our lives.
How Did We Get Here?
Dana:Let's go back in time.
We've been together for...
Eric:Forty years? Fifty years?
Dana:Yeah, it feels like that sometimes.
We've been together for almost 14 years now. When we first got together compared to where we are now, how did we get here?
Eric:A lot of alcohol.
Dana:Yeah. A lot of alcohol. That was fun.
Eric:How did we get here?
Without a doubt, I think therapy helped a lot, at least from my perspective. Changes to me, changes to understanding you, changes to how to navigate our lives.
I also think we both push each other, either through words or through actions.
We both started EOS. I started EOS from being in the real estate field and being part of the Tom Ferry coaching organization. I read the book Traction, became aware of it, and had them come into my office to talk to me about how to get myself structured and organized.
I wanted you there because you're my biggest critic.
Dana:I don't know what you're talking about.
Eric:Yeah.
Dana:I'm just honest.
And this is why I'm a great therapist too, because I will say the shit that no one else has the balls to say.
Eric:Yeah. That's what they call it.
Dana:You're still with me, so who needs their head examined? You or me?
Eric:Without a doubt, I need my head examined.
Then you took the ball and ran with it. And then I'll piggyback off of you. You're the one asking questions about this or that.
Dana:You're very much like Adri, my sister.
The running joke when Adri and I were kids was she would kind of shove me off the deep end first, and if I didn't die, then she'd try it.
Eric:Correct. Correct.
You'll dive in, and then it softens the blow. Takes some of the fear out. The fear doesn't bother you.
Dana:I am definitely more risk-tolerant, and you are more risk-averse.
Eric:Yep.
Dana:Even when we first met Dan, Dan Singer, who was on an episode, after he did his whole spiel for the Focus Day, after he left I was like, "So what do you think, Eric?"
You were like, "I don't know. I'm not sure if it'll help me."
I said, "Well, if you're not gonna hire him, I am."
Eric:Yeah.
Dana:That very much is our relationship because you've helped me in so many ways. You've helped me grow and put me in connection with things that I probably wouldn't have crossed paths with otherwise.
It's definitely helped me get to where I am, and I never take any of that for granted.
Eric:I think you need to have, in a relationship, especially like you and I, a strong sense of self.
Because it is going to challenge you when your partner is either doing something better or pushing you. If you don't have that strong core, that strong sense of self yourself...
Dana:You know why I'm laughing?
Eric:Nope, not a clue.
Dana:St. Patrick's Day, when we started dating.
Eric:Oh, yeah.
Dana:"I know my worth."
Because we weren't officially exclusive yet. I was like, "Well, if you're not gonna lock it down..."
Eric:In typical Eric fashion, I don't think I locked it down that day.
Dana:No. It was like a month after that.
Eric:Yeah. I'm a good negotiator. What can I say?
Try to put Baby in the corner, Baby comes out. That's the wrong way with me.
Giving Each Other Grace
Eric:Especially lately, it's more about giving room for conversation or giving room for grace.
We just got a babysitter back. We haven't had date night.
Dana:Oh, God. God love her.
Eric:She's the jam.
I think for you, you had to go through, "All right, I need the balance. I need to be a wife again. I need to have Dana time. I need to have alone time."
On our first date night, you were freer.
Dana:Yeah.
Eric:Being able to adapt that is important.
Every man I talk to goes through the same thing with their wives, with young children, trying to keep the marriage going and stuff like that.
Dana:The biggest thing that helped there too was that you let me get there on my own.
You were patient, which is one of your strengths.
You're not patient in every aspect, but I think you're impatient where it's good to be impatient.
But that, I think, is a really big reason why right now, we'll be totally honest, we're in the hard years.
Our kids are three and six, and I think this is where a lot of relationships struggle.
The fact that you hold me accountable but also give me space to process, because I tell you all the time, "I'm a slow processor. Just let me get there."
And you do.
I appreciate that.
Eric:Yeah.
Dana:But we're in the hard years right now.
Eric:One hundred percent.
I'm very logical. You're emotional.
Dana:You? No.
Eric:Just a wee bit.
Dana:#Rigid.
Eric:I know you wanna be like me. It's a goal of yours. One of these days, maybe if you take my classes, you'll get there.
Dana:I don't wanna be like you. I love you, but if I wanted to be like you, then we would fight a lot.
Eric:We fight a lot anyway, darling. What do you expect?
Dana:Just remember who's the actual Taurus.
Eric:You are.
Dana:That's right.
Eric:But I'm stubborn like a bull.
Dana:That is true.
You're a Cancer, and your rising sign is Scorpio. A Cancer and a Taurus are a great pair, but you're also so sensitive and you don't realize it, and it's so annoying.
Eric:I'm not sensitive.
That hurt my feelings.
Dana:Oh, I'm so sorry. I love you.
Just feel the feeling.
Eric:There you go. Back to being on the couch.
What's It Like Being Married to a Therapist?
Dana:What's it like being married to a therapist?
Eric:Torture.
I mean, it's a wonderful thing. It's wonderful.
In all reality, it's hard.
Dana:Why is it hard for you?
Eric:Not only are you a therapist, you are a very good therapist.
Dana:Thank you.
Eric:So you can see things in a lot of things, and you make your interpretations or you have a vision.
Even if there are 10 avenues, you may think it's two or three, and you're that.
Where I would assume being married to a non-therapist, those thoughts don't come into somebody else's mind. It just kind of ends there. It's not peeling the onion.
I'm probably similar. I like to think I can read people pretty well and read a lot of you.
We both say sometimes, "Can we just shut the fuck up? This is it. It's done. You're an ass. I'm an ass. Move on."
Rather than digging in deeper.
Dana:This is something that comes up in couples therapy with us too.
You definitely have a hard time when I get curious.
Eric:I'm a man. This is what happens.
Dana:But in no way, and this is something we struggle with, you're more emotionally avoidant.
I'm literally in the business of feelings. It's what I do.
Everything I know from relational therapy is to not personalize something, don't get defensive, and instead be curious and try to build intimacy and learn about the other person.
That is hard for you when I go in too much. I get almost too curious.
Eric:You go to therapy mode. You keep digging.
Dana:That's what's interesting.
You call it therapy mode, but I'm curious, if I wasn't a therapist and I was just curious and trying to learn more about you instead of making everything about me, would it still bother you as much?
Eric:Probably.
Dana:Why?
Eric:Because you gotta go deep. You gotta go in there, and sometimes I'm tired and don't wanna go there.
I think a lot of it has to do with timing and setting.
Dana:Absolutely. Timing is everything.
Eric:It could also determine where you and I are at.
If we've been in a battle for a week and you're like, "Hey, I wanna get curious," yeah, I wanna get curious with my fist.
Dana:Okay, aggressive.
He doesn't actually hit me, everybody. He just thinks he's funny sometimes, and he's really not.
Eric:She would beat me before I beat her.
Dana:Yes, I'm Sicilian. That's what we do.
Learning How to Feel
Eric:Emotions to me are a newer concept in my life.
We started dating when I was 27 or 28.
Prior to that, emotions were just kind of pushed down and not engaged.
Two-thirds of my life, it wasn't there. One-third it has been.
And one-third has been a journey, like starting that kind of rebirth.
Dana:Was I part of your rebirth?
Eric:You were.
Dana:Aw.
Eric:I've called you my crack.
Dana:He has called me his crack.
Would you like to give a little context there?
Eric:I don't remember the exact part. You probably do better than I do.
Dana:I believe it was with Susan, our first therapist.
We've kind of graduated. We're on our third now. We're with Michelle. Susan was our first therapist, then Stephanie, who's amazing. Susan was amazing too, and Michelle is freaking wonderful.
I think it was with Susan where you were talking about how I'm Italian, and I'm very loving and nurturing.
That's not how you grew up.
So when we met, you were like, "Oh, my God. What is this amazingness that I've never had before? I need more of it."
Eric:Correct. That's exactly right.
You don't know what you don't know. You don't know what was missing.
Probably a little before our relationship began, I felt a little bit of that void. Then, bam, it was in my face.
Sometimes, once in a while, not often, you can be intense.
Dana:Me? I don't know what you're talking about.
Eric:So it was all there. It wasn't like, "We're gonna lead up to it."
It was all in.
It became like an addiction, for lack of better words.
Dana:It's a great thing to be addicted to.
Eric:True.
Dana:To be addicted to love. There's nothing wrong with that.
Men, Therapy, and Emotional Growth
Dana:You are the best role model ever for our son.
I get emotional just because I'm so grateful for that.
But as a man, you've been so open and honest with therapy and things you've worked through.
That's a big reason why I wanted you on this podcast because that's something I'm very passionate about. We don't really give men the space to be human.
Can you share a little bit about what brought you into therapy?
You said that for the first 27 years of your life, you didn't know what it was like to have love. What was life like for you?
Eric:I went to a therapist as a kid.
I was definitely a wild, rambunctious fighter as a kid.
Dana:God bless. A beautiful quality.
Eric:I think it was basically to get me to behave as a kid, probably five or six years old to seven, eight, nine, whatever it was.
Even the time I spent at my aunt's, you can call that somewhat therapeutic, balancing out and learning how to deal with my mother, not fight every day, and get that balance.
Then in my adult life, when you and I started dating, it was because we were fighting.
We got into couples therapy with Susan.
I was like, "All right, I'll give it a try. Let somebody try to fix it."
Dana:You were actually the one that asked to go, not me.
Eric:Correct.
Dana:Which is shocking.
Eric:We went to Susan, then Stephanie, and we're going to Michelle now.
We've had a lot of therapists. Some quit, some turned to drugs and alcohol.
Dana:That's a John Panaggio skit.
Literally the greatest comic. If no one's familiar, you need to listen. RIP.
Eric:In essence, I went into couples therapy to help us get along or fix whatever was going on between you and me.
Dana:For the interpersonal stuff.
Eric:Correct.
What I didn't know, and what I'm grateful for, is everything I learned individually.
In all three of our scenarios, we went in as couples, but I think most of the time you and I did individual work with the same therapist.
To me, that's important because half of your troubles are most likely what's going on at home. The other stuff could be outside of the home.
Dana:But it all relates.
It's all the same nervous system, whether it's home or out at work.
Eric:Yep. It's all the same person.
A lot of who you are is who you are in both places.
It ended up doing a lot for me. Teaching me a lot personally and professionally.
Breaking Patterns in Parenting
Eric:I talk about therapy and what I think life would be like with and without it.
You know the story where if a baby goes and chews something, takes it out of their mouth, and gives it to you?
In Stephanie's office, I was like, "Ew. You just take it? Ew, that's disgusting. I don't want that."
What she said was, "You're just rejecting this little baby that's trying to do something nice and give it to you."
I was taught that you take it, put it in your hand, pretend like you're eating it, and when they're not looking, throw it in the garbage.
Dana:You regulate your own reaction.
Eric:Yeah.
Then when Philip was born, he was probably right around one year old. We were sitting in the backyard and he chewed something, took it out of his mouth, and gave it to my mother.
My mother was like, "Ew, I don't want that."
And I'm like, "That's what it would've been."
Dana:Wow.
Eric:I take a lot from my mother with a lot of excuses, but without the intervention, whether that's the right or wrong word, the guidance and understanding, you wouldn't know.
You weren't brought up with that stuff.
Dana:Yeah.
Eric:I do think post-COVID the world is changing as far as therapy not being a dirty word.
Definitely before that, it was.
Men, you look at some of these Instagram posts, I talk to other dads, and it's like as a man, your job is just to go.
It's to shut up, go in silence, and go.
Which is terrible.
That's what most men do.
Until the men explode. Then men are supposed to have that wild time where it goes off.
Dana:It's like anger is the only emotion you're really allowed to have.
Eric:Right.
Even some of those times with me in my individual therapy, sometimes it's just unloading what happened in the week, just to let it out and get it there.
Sometimes it's the little tweaks.
Dana:And you love to talk, so you love having that space.
You love it.
Eric:One hundred percent.
I do think it's important personally.
How Therapy Changed Eric's Leadership
Eric:I think it's huge professionally.
One of the biggest reasons why I believe our office has the success levels that it does is because a lot of the coaching and one-on-one training I do with agents has a lot of therapeutic value.
Dana:Absolutely.
I tell you all the time, you do what no other broker does. I haven't seen that anywhere.
Eric:Most of the time, in my profession, with the agents I'm recruiting, most of them are not new agents who need to know what a lead paint disclosure is.
They have clients. They have a touch of a business. They need to learn how to do it.
The biggest problem in sales is being consistent, getting out of your own way, and being in structure.
And this is in any business. Any entrepreneur. Any business.
Discipline over motivation.
I try to teach that. I try to analyze what's going on with them, what's working, what's not working. It's a big part of our chairman's group and how to push that forward.
Dana:Couples therapy really helped you with your own individual stuff too.
Our therapists were able to do individual work with us.
I will give a caveat to that. That is rare.
We had three very excellent therapists, and I think also because I'm a therapist, I was very aware not to make that therapist feel triangulated.
I was very aware that the relationship was their client. Stephanie was the one who put it in those words.
So for anyone listening, make sure that if your therapist does do that, they have that skill set to really not take sides because it can get complicated. Being able to navigate that is really important.
Learning to Recognize What's Happening Inside
Dana:How you run your business, how you run your brokerage, where does all the stuff you've done in therapy play into that?
Eric:The biggest part, I would say, is it taught me how to understand what's going on with me.
My emotions.
I can tell if I'm anxious, nervous, angry, happy. I can feel that inside of me.
There's always going to be something that comes up. You're always going to be bombarded.
Dana:How'd you learn that?
Because you did not know that when we met.
Eric:Between therapy and, honestly, Body & Brain.
That did a lot, moving that connection.
I'm not a big meditation guy. My ADD kicks in after a while.
Dana:You meditate. Meditation just isn't sitting there going "om" for you.
Eric:Correct.
One of the biggest things Body & Brain taught me was movement meditation.
You move, then you meditate for a couple of minutes.
Dana:We need movement. We're hardwired to move.
Eric:Definitely me.
If I want to listen to a podcast, I need to be working out because that kind of splits my attention. It slows me down enough to listen.
Dana:You just explained why EMDR works.
Eric:Oh, there you go. Great job.
And that wasn't even planned.
Dana:Doing two things at once to slow down and actually grab your attention.
That is dual awareness at its finest.
Eric:I've learned through therapy and through that stuff to be aware.
Being aware and understanding, "That's my style."
Even some of the coaching I've been in relates to how you work, how the body works, how the mind works.
It's important to say, "Okay, you know what's going on with you. You know your learning style."
Even when I'm talking to agents and they're like, "We're listening to a podcast, we need to speed it up," I'm like, "That's your ADHD, I would assume."
Dana:You need more stimulation.
Eric:That works for you, so let's do that. You can hear it better.
It's understanding people's learning styles.
Dana:I love that.
That's something you do that's so rare. You treat each person individually instead of trying to make everybody fit a mold.
You're, like we say in therapy, client-attuned. You're person-attuned with your agents.
You get curious about what works for them and figure out how to use that to their advantage instead of people feeling like, "What's wrong with me? Why can't I do it the way I'm being told to do?"
Eric:Most real estate offices, if there are 50 agents in the office, maybe 20 are doing business. Actually, probably only 10 are doing business.
I think NAR put out a statistic that 85% of agents in the U.S. did five deals or less in 2025.
I don't look for that.
If an agent is doing less than five and wants to come over to our office, okay, do you want to grow? Do you want to learn? Or is this just a side hustle for you?
It's not that you have to do 100 deals, but I want you to be able to fit into our culture.
You have to be able to say, "Okay, what's going on? Where do I want to go?"
Dana:To know what you want.
Eric:Yeah.
I can train more on an individual level because I'm a lot more selective, in essence, with what I do.
And I enjoy it. That's the part I enjoy in the business.
Dana:I always joke that we should switch roles one day because you would love being a therapist.
You love getting curious about people.
Eric:Which is what I basically do.
I can see a lot of things in people. What works, what doesn't work, what's going to get in their way, what's not.
Especially once I learn from them.
You have to know what's going on with you to be able to do that.
Anxiety Doesn't Always Mean Something Is Wrong
Eric:Sometimes I'm walking up to a door on a listing presentation and I feel myself nervous.
I can't tell you the mechanics of what makes it switch once that door opens, but I just go right into go mode.
Dana:Nothing switches.
You just harness that mobilization to perform.
We've talked about this, anticipatory anxiety.
Eric:Yeah.
Leading up to it, probably because I'm an overthinker, things are in your head.
Once you turn the camera on or the mic on, we're good to go.
I actually did read the description yesterday that you put out. But I was like, I'm gonna go on, I'm gonna do me.
I know I don't need a lot of prep work. I can rock and roll.
Dana:You have what we call the optimal level of arousal.
You get that mobilization and it helps you execute, versus some individuals who have really, really high anxiety and it actually shuts down their ability to function.
Your ability to not assign meaning to that feeling is, I think, a big part of what has gotten you where you are.
There's nothing wrong with that feeling.
Where we get stuck and maybe don't function is because we think there's something wrong with it.
We're like, "What's wrong with me?"
Nobody goes into something completely calm and says, "Yeah, doesn't bother me at all."
Everybody has some type of starting energy. You're starting a car.
That's how we get stuff done. We need to be somewhat mobilized.
Discipline Over Motivation
Eric:Then, like you said, motivation versus discipline.
We had that Beachbody workout during COVID.
It was like, you're not gonna be motivated every day, but you've gotta be disciplined.
Dana:Yes.
Eric:I said this to you last week.
I picked up Philip from the dad thing at school. I was walking out of the house into the car, heading to a meeting, and I had calls to make.
I was walking down the steps out of the house and thought, "I really don't wanna do this today."
Then I got in the car and made five calls.
Dana:You still did it.
Eric:You do what you gotta do.
Dana:Happiness is optional, right?
We don't always want to do the things, but we don't have to like it.
Want is an emotion.
Eric:Tom Ferry talks about "choose your hard."
It's hard to be rich, hard to be poor.
Dana:Choose your hard.
They said that in the Beachbody thing too.
Eric:Maybe she was getting some info from Tom Ferry.
Dana:Maybe.
But that's so much of how that plays into all aspects of life, our marriage, our children, both of our work.
Our relationship is very special in the sense that if it were anybody else, it wouldn't succeed.
Because we're both self-employed, both in incredibly stressful scenarios, and somehow we make it work.
Building Careers While Building a Marriage
Eric:I think the two of us being self-employed makes a big difference, but also where you are in your careers makes a difference.
I remember when you worked for Holistic and I've been self-employed since I was in diapers.
You didn't understand it as much at that point.
Dana:I picture the guy from Who Framed Roger Rabbit with the cigar, like the baby.
Eric:Yes. That would probably be me.
You didn't understand it as much then.
Even now, I have a few more years on you of doing this.
Dana:Just a few.
Eric:It's because I started when I was in diapers.
I get up early in the morning, 5:30 or 6:00, and do work before I have to get things rolling. Be intentional.
You used to yell at me, "You're on the couch, but you're on your laptop. You're not home. You're not here."
Dana:You're here, but not here.
Eric:Because you weren't as busy.
Now you're in that phase.
You'll go to bed at 12:00, 1:00, 2:00 in the morning on your laptop. Or we'll both be on a laptop at 9:00 on the couch after the kids go to bed.
Dana:But we'll do it together.
Eric:I understand that perspective because I've been there.
I probably won't be up at 2:00 in the morning because I can't stay up until 2:00 in the morning.
Dana:No. You are so tired all the time.
Eric:But I get that.
Whatever works in the household is important.
If it gets resentful, that's a problem.
Dana:In our household, it's both.
It's not so black and white.
That's a big thing that I think makes us work. It's not, "Your job is the kids. Your job is to work."
We divide and conquer.
Today, you're going to do the kids.
You do so much more than any dad I've seen. It's amazing to me. I'm so grateful for it, and I wouldn't be able to do what I do without that.
Eric:You heard that, right?
Dana:You want me to repeat it again?
Eric:Speak loud and clearly into the microphone.
Dana:I tell you all the time. I'm very good at verbalizing my gratitude.
Eric:But now I have it on camera.
Dana:And now you have proof when I tell you you're a dingus.
That's a big part of it.
What helps is that we're not trying to fit into any mold.
It's, "Okay, you're taking the kids to their dentist appointment, and I'm gonna be at work late."
That's how it goes.
Eric:Every day is different.
Finding the Ebb and Flow
Eric:One of the things that has been helpful lately with us is the ebb and flow.
We have so much going on.
When we went to our newest couples therapist, the first thing she said was that the issue in our relationship is we have too much going on.
Dana:Yeah.
Eric:In my opinion, nothing has changed in the last few months as far as what's going on. If anything, it's gotten worse.
But I think there's been more of an ebb and flow.
Dana:We're less reactive to each other.
Eric:Yeah.
I can definitely run at a pretty high pace.
Dana:You are insane.
Eric:It takes a lot to slow down all the time.
I can manage much more than what most people can do. I understand that.
Dana:You're high octane all the time.
Eric:Which is a gift and a curse.
But any top producer, Jordan was at the gym at 5:00 AM, working 12 or 13 hours a day.
Dana:He's a Bulls fan, guys.
You grew up on Jordan.
Eric:But the Knicks just won the championship.
Dana:They did.
I enjoyed the Knicks win, especially with our son.
Eric:But I see this in the industry. The people who are crushing it, they're pushing it out. They're grinding it out. They're finding the room for it.
When I asked the former CEO of RE/MAX, Adam Gomez, how do you get there, he said, "Be intentional."
I really run with that, being intentional with my time.
Dana:That's something we're both super passionate about.
You have a huge sign in your office that says, "Be intentional."
I have one in my office that says, "Start every day with intention."
That's mindful living.
Definitely on our next episode, Part 2, we'll talk more about building businesses while building a family, because that's been fun.
Eric:Yep.
Dana:But being intentional with our relationship and how we want to interact with each other matters.
Where Do Couples Struggle?
Dana:Where do you think a lot of couples fail?
Eric:Some of it is probably communication.
I don't think couples therapy is a bad thing.
In my opinion, every relationship should probably have some form of couples therapy.
For lack of better words, you may have an opinion, I may have an opinion. We both may be right. We both may be wrong.
How do you navigate it?
If you're hijacked, you're not going to be able to do it.
I use this analogy at work.
Think of a glass cube.
Emotions are gas. You can keep pumping gas into that box.
It's a pretty high level versus water, where there's a finite amount of space. This amount of water can pour into a glass.
Emotions, you can keep pumping into it.
Dana:That's a weird analogy.
I'm visualizing this in my head right now.
Eric:You need to let some of that gas out to be able to think.
If your brain is that clear box and it's full of gas...
Dana:I'm just making fart jokes in my head now.
Eric:I saw you smile at that.
Dana:Because you said "gas out." Now there are just fart jokes in there.
Sorry, too immature to handle that.
I love having you as a guest because I can really let it rip and just be my normal fucking crazy-ass self.
Eric:And you don't have to worry about, "Are they coming back?"
Dana:You can't leave.
Eric:Instead, I would've been out of jail quicker.
Dana:True.
Eric:I think having a couples therapist, somebody in there, for lack of better words, a mediator, doesn't have to have a negative connotation.
It's, "How do we solve this?"
Dana:I love the analogy you used once.
You said if your pipes are broken, you're gonna call a plumber.
Eric:If there's relational conflict, call a therapist.
Dana:That's their specialty.
I've always loved that analogy.
Mistakes as Tuition
Dana:Before we wrap up this episode, because this is my favorite thing that you've ever said, can you give your little spiel about tuition?
I really love it so much.
Eric:I didn't go to college.
Well, I did one year in college.
Dana:One year? One semester?
Eric:One year.
Dana:Wow.
Eric:Two semesters make a year, right?
Dana:Did you actually go?
Eric:The second semester, I wouldn't say I went that much, but I went.
I didn't fail any classes.
Statistics gave me a D, but it still wasn't a fail.
Dana:And go figure, the math part. Fascinating to you.
Eric:I know a lot of people come out of college having paid tuition and having debt.
My biggest thing is learning from things.
My aunt told me when I was younger, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
That means, Extreme Ownership, great book if you haven't read it, you go in and own it.
You got fooled twice, so don't be fooled twice.
Understand what happened.
I'll ask clients, "Unfortunately, you can't win them all. What made you decide to list your property with another broker? I'm always looking to improve myself and my business. Can you tell me what I could've done differently to earn the business?"
To me, that's the tuition.
Any time you fail, instead of looking at failure as...
Dana:You fail, lose money.
Eric:Correct.
Money is, in theory, an easy way to quantify failure.
If a deal didn't happen and it cost me $20,000, what's the deal with it?
Dana:What did I learn from it?
Eric:What did I learn from it?
It wasn't, "Oh, I lost $20,000."
It's, "I paid $20,000 tuition to learn what I could've done better."
Dana:Those are your college credits.
Eric:Those are my college credits.
Dana:I love that.
Where to Find Eric Stein
Dana:For everyone listening, whether it's real estate, they want to improve their real estate career, they want to sell a house, or they just need to talk to someone who gets it, where can they find you?
Eric:The best way is the GEICO airplane over the beach.
Dana:Oh, God.
Eric:No.
You can get me at my website, westchesterhomesource.com.
Our investment site is westchesterhomesale.com.
I'm on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn. We probably have a TikTok.
Dana:No, you started during COVID and then...
Eric:Then we stopped.
Dana:It didn't last very long because I made fun of you for dancing in the hallway.
Eric:I guess not.
You can find me on there. Cellphone, email.
Dana:Email's the best way to get you.
Eric:Or Google me, Eric Stein, RE/MAX in Tuckahoe.
Closing
Dana:Thank you for being here.
I know we're going to jump into the next episode, but we'll pause here.
I love you.
Eric:Love you too. Thank you for having me.
Dana:I'm so grateful for you being here.
We will catch you guys on the next episode, where we jump into what it's like building businesses and raising a family at the same time.
Eric:Good stuff.
Dana:Yep. One hundred percent.
Thanks, everybody, for listening.
Eric:Thanks, guys.
Dana:I'm Dana Carretta-Stein, always here to remind you that we repeat what we don't repair.
Thank you for listening to another episode of The Truth About Healing podcast.
If you know someone who's still stuck, share this episode with them, because as you know, the truth can set them free.
And if you're ready to get started to see what you need to repair, contact us at peacefullivingmentalhealthcounseling.com, and we will get you started.
Until next time, I'm Dana Carretta-Stein, reminding you:
We repeat what we don't repair.
Podcast Disclaimer
This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical advice. Listening does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you need support, contact a licensed professional or your local emergency services.
Crisis Support: If you're in crisis, call or text 988 in the U.S. or contact your local emergency number.
Transcript lightly edited for readability while preserving the meaning and conversational tone of the original recording
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