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Episode 12: Reinventing Yourself with Mary Belletieri
- 22 hours ago
- 16 min read
Reinventing Yourself: Why You Don’t Need to Have Life Figured Out Before You Begin Again
Welcome to Episode 12 of The Truth About Healing Podcast.
We tend to think reinvention needs to be some dramatic before-and-after story.
Quit the job.
Launch the business.
Move somewhere new.
Finally figure out exactly what you're supposed to be doing with your life.
But what if Reinventing Yourself is actually a lot messier than that?
In this episode, Dana sits down with self-published author, entrepreneur, corporate event and marketing professional, and mom Mary Belletieri for an honest conversation about what happens when the life you planned isn't necessarily the life you end up living.
Mary's career has been anything but linear.
She's moved through event planning, marketing, freelance work, entrepreneurship, writing and self-publishing books, motherhood, and eventually back into the corporate world.
Along the way, she's learned something important:
You don't need to know exactly where you're going before you're allowed to move.
Sometimes you say yes, try the thing, and find out who you're becoming along the way.
And sometimes the parts of yourself you thought you'd left behind were simply waiting for the right opportunity to come back online.
Listen on Your Favorite Podcast Platform
Episode Highlights
Dana and Mary talk about:
Why a nonlinear career doesn't mean you're behind
How becoming a mother challenged Mary's need for control
When organization can actually be anxiety in disguise
The reality of working from home while raising a child
Mom guilt and the impossible expectations placed on mothers
Why you don't have to enjoy every part of parenting to be a good parent
Finding your own version of motherhood instead of comparing yourself to other moms
How Mary taught herself to self-publish her books
Why passion and financial reality sometimes need to coexist
Mary's unexpected return to corporate work
Why saying yes can open doors you didn't know you needed
The difference between overthinking and thinking deeply
How perfectionism can keep you from experimenting
Why good moms don't always have to put themselves last
Learning to protect your time, attention, and bandwidth
Why Reinventing Yourself is possible at any age
Memorable Quote
“I feel like every decade I’ve added to my bucket of who I am. And some things fall out of that bucket too. You just change.” - Mary Belletieri
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Further Learning & Resources
Discover journals, workbooks, consultation resources, and recommended tools designed to support both personal healing and professional growth.
EMDR Therapy Progress Journal
The EMDR Therapy Progress Journal helps clients track healing progress, identify
patterns, document insights, and stay connected to their therapeutic journey between sessions.
Perfect for:
EMDR clients
Trauma recovery work
Reflection between sessions
Tracking healing milestones
EMDR Coach Treatment Planning Workbook
Designed specifically for EMDR therapists, this workbook helps simplify case
conceptualization, target sequencing, and treatment planning.
Ideal for:
EMDR-trained clinicians
EMDR consultation groups
Organizing complex cases
Strengthening treatment planning skills
Meet Our Guest: Mary Belletieri
Mary Belletieri is a self-published author, entrepreneur, corporate event and marketing professional, and working mom whose career has evolved across multiple industries.
Her professional journey has included corporate event planning, digital marketing, freelance work, self-publishing, and her return to the corporate healthcare and aesthetics industry, where she works in events, medical education, and marketing.
Mary is also the author of contemporary romance novels inspired by her love of Italy and the children's book Is Today Tomorrow?
Her story is a reminder that careers don't have to be linear and that reinvention doesn't require abandoning who you were before.
Sometimes the skills you've been collecting along the way are exactly what prepare you for the opportunity you didn't see coming.
Connect With Mary
📚 Website: https://marybellebooks.com
📸 Instagram: www.instagram.com/mary.belle.books
📚 Mary's books are also available on Amazon.
Meet Our Host Dana Carretta-Stein, LMHC
Dana Carretta-Stein is an LMHC, EMDRIA Approved Consultant, founder of The EMDR Coach, and founder of Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling (PLMHC).
Her work focuses on trauma-informed therapy, nervous system healing, EMDR therapy, attachment patterns, and helping people understand the deeper roots behind emotional and behavioral patterns.
Dana blends neuroscience, trauma-informed education, and direct honesty in a way that helps listeners feel both validated and challenged to think differently about healing.
Her core belief: Symptoms make sense when you understand the nervous system underneath them.
Trauma-Informed Therapy Through PLMHC
Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling provides trauma-informed therapy for children, teens, and adults.
Services include support for:
Overthinking
Burnout
Trauma
Emotional overwhelm
Nervous system dysregulation
PLMHC offers in-person therapy in Scarsdale and virtual therapy throughout New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, and Florida.
If you’ve been searching for trauma-informed therapy in Westchester or EMDR therapy in Scarsdale, support is available.
Full Episode Transcript
Reinventing Yourself with Mary Belletieri
Dana:
Welcome to another episode of The Truth About Healing, the podcast that's here to challenge everything you think you knew about therapy.
I'm Dana Carretta-Stein, EMDR and neuro-informed therapist, and I'm on a mission to help 10 million people change their patterns, relationships, and future generations by teaching them how to gain control of their nervous system.
Let's go with it.
Today's guest is a self-published author, entrepreneur, and corporate event and marketing professional who has spent the last six years building a career from home while raising her daughter, who's really cute, by the way.
She's the author of multiple books, including the children's book Is Today Tomorrow?, contemporary romance novels inspired by her love of Italy, and has successfully navigated the world of self-publishing from concept to publication and sales.
Today, she balances life as a work-from-home mom with a thriving career in the corporate healthcare and aesthetics industry, where she leads national events, medical education programs, and strategic marketing initiatives.
Her story is one of reinvention, resilience, creativity, and proving that it's possible to pursue both passion and professional success at the same time.
Please welcome Mary Belletieri.
Mary:
Hi. I'm so happy you're here.
Dana:
Me too.
So, a little background for anyone who doesn't know. Mary and I met when I was on her podcast called Life Actually.
It was one of the most fun podcasts I've been on.
Mary:
Thank you.
Dana:
You've just got that Italian energy vibe.
Mary:
We did. We chatted like we were besties from back in the day.
Dana:
Which tends to happen when you have good people you connect with.
And so we're back here at Chi Visions.
Mary:
Yeah. Hello, Claudio.
Dana:
I haven't been here in a while because mine's been on a little bit of a hiatus due to life.
Mary:
We've got to take little breaks, refuel, and then reemerge.
Dana:
Exactly.
I'm so happy you're here.
Let's start with your story as a working mom. This is something I personally resonate with a ton.
What was your journey like when you were working, then had a child, and suddenly everything changed?
Mary:
Anybody who's listened to my podcast or knows me knows this, but I have one of those careers that's entirely not linear.
It's been all over the place.
I went to the University of Delaware for hotel and restaurant management, and I swore I was going to own a nightclub.
Then I graduated and told my parents, "Yeah, I don't think I want to do anything in the hotel and restaurant industry."
My first job out of college ended up being event planning. I worked corporate with pharmaceutical companies, and it was the best job I could have asked for as a 21-year-old.
I got to travel on somebody else's dime.
It was all domestic travel, I met incredible people I'm still friends with today, and my personality fit the work.
I'm Type A. I'm organized. I love planning.
It was the perfect job for me.
After a couple of years, I got tired of traveling.
From there, I've been in so many different industries because I've always been the person who's good at a lot of things but never really knew exactly what I wanted to do.
So I dabble.
When I get uncomfortable or feel like something isn't going anywhere, I change it.
That's probably one of the parts of my personality I'm most proud of.
If something doesn't feel right, I'll figure out a way to adapt or move forward when the time is right.
I've worked in marketing positions, digital management, social media marketing, and other areas.
I've also always had writing a book on my bucket list.
A couple of years ago I thought, "You know what? I'm going to be 40. It's time to write that book."
It was inspired by a trip to Italy about ten years ago.
I wrote a two-book romance series when my daughter was really little.
From there, I wrote a children's book.
It's really been a journey of understanding what my skillsets are, learning what feels right, and adapting to whatever comes next.
Dana:
I have that scene from Friends living rent-free in my head.
"Pivot!"
Mary:
Exactly.
Dana:
And I love the whole premise of your podcast.
We all have a plan.
Then life actually happens.
One of my favorite sayings is, "A man plans and God laughs."
You had this idea of what your life would look like.
Then what changed?
Mary:
When I had my daughter, I realized very quickly that for somebody who prided herself on being organized and always having a plan, there was suddenly a lot I couldn't plan.
And that made me realize something.
What I thought was being organized was really anxiety in disguise.
Dana:
Keeping you nice and controlled.
Mary:
Exactly.
And I'm somebody who might need to be in control all the time.
Dana:
So that control was helping you manage the anxiety.
Then your daughter was born.
And when we have children, postpartum is very much a thing. I've been pretty open about my postpartum journey.
You already had anxiety, and then you're trying to factor in everything that comes with having a baby.
What did that look like day to day?
Mary:
I was a freelancer when I was pregnant and when I had Marina, so I never really stopped working.
Maybe I had a few days in the hospital after giving birth where I wasn't working, and then I hopped right back into it.
Looking back now, I think that was a way for me to feel like I had control over something.
I could get back to work.
I knew what to expect there.
Newborn territory was different.
Even though Marina was a very good newborn and her dad is a fantastic, hands-on father, you still didn't know what was coming.
I remember going to bed at night knowing she would probably wake up again in a couple of hours.
I would think, "I can't possibly fall asleep right now because I'm going to get anxiety knowing I'll be awake again soon."
So I adapted.
I learned her habits and tried to find ways to maintain some sense of control while also working and doing everything else.
It was hard.
I had some postpartum symptoms. I remember my mom telling me, "Mare, go to Starbucks. Get out of the house."
I went through the Starbucks drive-through and cried.
I still don't know why.
Dana:
Hormones.
Sometimes there isn't a why.
It just is.
Mary:
Exactly.
And it took a few years for that feeling to really settle.
Working Motherhood, Mom Guilt and Learning to Adapt
Mary:
Even now, you can think you know what your day is going to look like.
Then you get a call from the nurse's office saying your daughter has a stomachache and needs to be picked up.
Suddenly, that's not remotely what you thought your day was going to be.
Dana:
You have to gear shift really quickly.
Mary:
Which is highly difficult for me.
I'm learning it has to be possible, but it's hard.
Dana:
What makes shifting difficult?
You're constantly moving between motherhood, career, and everything else.
Mary:
I still try to manage it as best I can.
I'm a handwritten to-do-list kind of person.
I tried keeping it on my phone, but it felt less tangible because I couldn't hold it and look at it.
There is an element of mentally retraining yourself all the time.
Work things feel important.
If there's a work call and suddenly I have to pick up my daughter, I can immediately feel it in my throat. "No, no, no. I need to be on that call."
And yes, work is important.
But sometimes you have to take a few steps back and ask whether you actually need to be there at that exact moment.
There are times you simply have to bend.
That's been an ongoing lesson for me.
I have to be more flexible.
Dana:
And you do technically have a choice, but it's about what you're choosing.
Your daughter or work.
I think every working mom can resonate with feeling stuck between these two incredibly important parts of ourselves.
The professional part.
And the parent part.
Mary:
There's guilt no matter how you slice it.
Mom guilt is insane.
I wish there were a pill for it.
Finding Your Own Version of Motherhood
Mary:
The way I've tried to combat the guilt is by being as honest with Marina as possible.
I've spoken to her like she's a little adult since she was a baby.
I'll tell her:
"Mommy's going to work for the next two hours. Then we're going to do this together."
It sets expectations for her, but it also holds me accountable.
If she's played independently, FaceTimed Grandma, watched something, or done her yoga, eventually it's time for me to break away.
Dana:
And we sometimes convince ourselves we need hours and hours to entertain our kids.
Sometimes they need 20 or 30 minutes of connection and then they're ready to return to whatever they were doing.
Mary:
Exactly.
And I think this is important too.
If you're a mom and you don't like pretend play, that's okay.
There are certain types of play I absolutely don't like.
I don't like playing Barbies.
I used to like Barbies when I was a kid.
I don't anymore.
I'd rather paint with her, play school, play restaurant, or have conversations.
Dana:
That's connection.
Mary:
Exactly.
What's important to me as a mother is having deep conversations with her.
"How did that make you feel?"
"What happened when that kid did that?"
It could seem ridiculous from the outside, but I prefer those moments.
And one of the most fulfilling things is when I hear her repeat something back days or weeks later.
They're absorbing everything.
Good and bad.
That's my favorite part of parenting.
Building a Career, Writing Books and Starting Again
Dana:
Tell me about the career part of you.
What lights you up there?
Mary:
A few years ago, I decided to start writing books.
I basically put it all on the line.
I stopped doing the freelance digital marketing I'd been doing because I was losing clients and losing interest.
I didn't want to spend my career doing social media for other people's companies.
When I turned 50, I wanted something that was mine.
So I researched self-publishing.
My romance books were inspired by a trip to Italy.
Then I wrote Is Today Tomorrow? because when you're a parent and repeat the same things every day, eventually you think, "This could be a book."
I did relatively well for being self-published.
The people who've read the books love them.
I used my event-planning background to plan book parties and signings, reached out to local businesses, and used my social media marketing skills.
I used everything I'd learned.
But unless you're selling millions of books, self-publishing isn't necessarily lucrative.
Dana:
Was it lucrative in what it gave you energy-wise?
Mary:
Yes.
But money still pays bills.
There has to be a balance.
Eventually, the financial side became uncomfortable.
Then a job opportunity basically fell into my lap.
Someone I'd worked with at my first event-planning job reached out and told me there might be an opportunity.
I wasn't looking.
I interviewed and thought, "I have no idea how this is going to work."
I'd worked from home by myself for so long.
There was travel.
There were more hours than I thought I had.
But I owed it to myself and my family's financial situation to try.
So I did.
And I fell in love with it.
Dana:
Wow.
Mary:
It's corporate, so it's crazy.
It's a ton of work and there are a lot of expectations.
But it's incredibly rewarding for me.
And traveling has been one of the best parts.
I've gotten to rediscover something I loved when I was younger.
The job reinvigorated me.
I feel whole.
The books allowed me to check something huge off my bucket list.
But this brought everything full circle.
I didn't realize I needed it until I said yes.
That's a big thing for me now.
I try to find the reasons to say yes instead of automatically finding the reasons to say no.
Why You Don't Need Every Answer Before Saying Yes
Dana:
That's huge.
As human beings, we're really good at creating a narrative explaining why we shouldn't do something.
"I don't have time."
"I can't make this work."
"I don't know how I'll manage it."
All of those things might be true.
But there may also be other truths you don't know yet.
You could take the risk.
If it doesn't work, so what?
Mary:
Exactly.
I could always leave.
I could say, "I tried this and it isn't working."
But if I hadn't tried, I would have missed an incredible opportunity to reinvigorate something inside me that I didn't even realize had gone dormant.
Truth or Bullshit
“You Have to Have It All Figured Out Before You Start.”
Mary:
Bullshit.
When I was younger, I needed everything planned perfectly before I did something.
At one point, I wanted to use my event-planning background to start doing social events.
I made the website.
I did everything.
I wanted everything perfect before launching.
Then after doing maybe one or two events, I realized:
"I don't want to do social events on nights and weekends."
If I'd simply told a few people, "Hey, I'm trying this on the side," I could have tested it first.
I would have saved myself time and money.
Dana:
That's perfectionism.
"It has to be perfect before I launch."
But you don't even know whether you want to do it yet.
Mary:
Exactly.
If you truly believe in what you're doing, it doesn't have to be perfect.
You can let it develop.
“Good Moms Put Everyone First.”
Mary:
Bullshit.
I hate martyrdom.
Taking care of yourself matters.
Whether it's shopping, clothes, taking a trip, or simply getting 20 minutes of silence, you have to put your oxygen mask on before you can help everyone else.
You're also teaching your kids something.
I don't want my daughter growing up thinking the world revolves around her.
And I don't want to raise someone who eventually does everything for everyone else either.
There's a balance between not being selfish and being self-sufficient.
Dana:
Exactly.
Sometimes I'll tell my son, "Mommy needs 20 minutes because Mommy wants to be the best mommy possible for you."
If I'm running everywhere doing everything for everyone, eventually Mean Mommy comes out.
And that doesn't feel good for anybody.
“It’s Too Late to Reinvent Yourself.”
Mary:
Bullshit.
I feel like every decade I've added something to my bucket of who I am.
And some things fall out of that bucket too.
You change.
The same thing happens with who you spend your time with, who you learn from, and what you want in your life.
Our free time is limited.
I'm learning that if something makes me hesitate and I don't want to do it, I can say no.
And that's okay.
As far as reinventing myself?
I'll be different a few years from now than I am today because of the decisions I'm making, what I learn, what I want in my life, and what I don't want anymore.
Overthinker or Deep Thinker?
Mary:
My closest friends tell me, "You're an overthinker."
And I'm like, "I know."
But I like that about myself.
I'm not surface level.
I want to understand why I do things and why other people do things.
Dana:
Are you an overthinker?
Or are you a deep thinker?
Mary:
Thank you.
Yes.
I think I'm a deep thinker.
Sometimes I overthink. We all do.
Especially as moms, because we never know what's going to happen, so we try to plan all the possibilities in our heads.
Dana:
It's an attempt to control the anxiety.
Mary:
Exactly.
But I am a deep thinker.
When I decide I'm doing something, I'm all in.
It's the same way with family, friendships, and relationships.
I put my all into them.
It's one of my favorite things about myself.
Learning to Protect Your Attention
Mary:
One thing I keep trying to learn is how to be more present.
My phone is always there.
Screen time is always there.
But I want to genuinely engage with the people I'm talking to.
I don't want to forget the details someone I care about told me.
Dana:
The screens are ruining us.
I'm also the worst offender.
I probably have 68 unread text messages right now.
But I'd rather be present.
If you're trying to be connected to the person in front of you, something else has to give.
It doesn't mean those other people aren't important.
Not everything can be a priority.
Mary:
Exactly.
My new favorite phrase is:
"I don't have the bandwidth for this right now."
Sometimes something simply has to stay there because I don't have the mental capacity to deal with it at that moment.
Dana:
Emails and texts have almost become extra to-do lists other people are assigning to you.
We already have our own list.
Then someone else messages:
"What about this?"
"This."
"This."
Sometimes the answer is:
"Nope. I already have my list for today."
And that's the best we can do.
Mary:
And it's okay.
Dana:
It's okay.
Where to Connect With Mary
Dana:
Mary, thank you so much for being here.
I love being around you, and I always enjoy our conversations.
Tell everyone where they can find you and your books.
Mary:
My books are available on Amazon and on my website, marybellebooks.com.
I'm also on Instagram at @mary.belle.books.
I've taken a little bit of a non-influencer approach over there.
It's mom life, corporate life, my books every once in a while, and a little bit of everything.
The romance novels make great spring and summer beach reads.
And the children's book is perfect for roughly four- to eight-year-olds.
Dana:
I'm going to be reading that one to Philip.
Mary, thank you so much for being here.
Mary:
Thank you so much for having me.
Closing
Dana:
Thank you, everyone, for listening.
I'm Dana Carretta-Stein, and this was another episode of The Truth About Healing, reminding you:
We repeat what we don't repair.
Thank you for listening to another episode of The Truth About Healing Podcast.
If you know someone who's still stuck, share this episode with them because, as you know, the truth can set them free.
And if you're ready to get started and see what you need to repair, contact us at Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling and we'll help you get started.
Podcast Disclaimer
This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical advice. Listening does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you need support, contact a licensed professional or your local emergency services.
Crisis Support: If you're in crisis, call or text 988 in the U.S. or contact your local emergency number.
Transcript lightly edited for readability while preserving the meaning and conversational tone of the original recording
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