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Episode 9: Rock Bottom to Recovery with Nick Ricciotti (First Responder Mental Health)
- 4 hours ago
- 25 min read
First Responder Mental Health, Recovery, and the Power of Connection
Welcome to Episode 9 of The Truth About Healing Podcast.
Most people think recovery begins when someone finally quits drinking or using drugs.
But what if recovery actually begins much earlier?
What if it starts the moment someone feels seen instead of judged?
In this episode, Dana sits down with licensed associate counselor, former law enforcement officer, and Vice President of Reps for Responders, Nick Ricciotti, for one of the most honest conversations yet about addiction, recovery, trauma, and healing.
Nick openly shares his journey through substance use, losing his law enforcement career, rebuilding his life, and discovering a new purpose helping first responders who are silently carrying the same burdens he once did.
Together, Dana and Nick explore why addiction is often an attempt to regulate an overwhelmed nervous system, how childhood experiences shape adult coping patterns, and why healing is only possible when people stop asking, "What's wrong with me?" and begin asking, "What happened to me?"
Whether you're a first responder, therapist, family member, or someone navigating your own recovery journey, this episode is a reminder that rock bottom doesn't have to be the end of your story.
Sometimes it's where healing begins.
Listen on Your Favorite Podcast Platform
Episode Highlights
In This Episode
Nick's journey from law enforcement to recovery.
Why addiction often develops as a survival strategy.
The hidden mental health challenges first responders face.
Why finding the right therapist changed Nick's life.
How community and accountability support long-term recovery.
The role of childhood experiences in adult behaviors.
Why nervous system regulation matters in addiction recovery.
Practical advice for anyone afraid to ask for help.
Memorable Quote
"Recovery didn't begin when I lost everything. Recovery began when I finally accepted I didn't have to do it alone." - Nick Ricciotti
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Further Learning & Resources
Discover journals, workbooks, consultation resources, and recommended tools designed to support both personal healing and professional growth.
EMDR Therapy Progress Journal
The EMDR Therapy Progress Journal helps clients track healing progress, identify
patterns, document insights, and stay connected to their therapeutic journey between sessions.
Perfect for:
EMDR clients
Trauma recovery work
Reflection between sessions
Tracking healing milestones
EMDR Coach Treatment Planning Workbook
Designed specifically for EMDR therapists, this workbook helps simplify case
conceptualization, target sequencing, and treatment planning.
Ideal for:
EMDR-trained clinicians
EMDR consultation groups
Organizing complex cases
Strengthening treatment planning skills
Meet Our Guest: Nicholas Ricciotti
Licensed Associate Counselor | Former Law Enforcement Officer | Vice President, Reps for Responders
Nick Ricciotti is a licensed associate counselor and former law enforcement officer whose own recovery journey inspired him to help other first responders navigate addiction, trauma, and mental health challenges.
Today, he serves as Vice President of Reps for Responders, a nonprofit organization dedicated to improving the mental, physical, and emotional well-being of first responders and veterans.
Drawing from both lived experience and clinical training, Nick helps clients understand the connection between trauma, nervous system regulation, recovery, and resilience. His work is grounded in the belief that healing becomes possible when people feel safe enough to ask for help.
Connect With Nick
Meet Our Host Dana Carretta-Stein, LMHC
Dana Carretta-Stein is an LMHC, EMDRIA Approved Consultant, founder of The EMDR Coach, and founder of Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling (PLMHC).
Her work focuses on trauma-informed therapy, nervous system healing, EMDR therapy, attachment patterns, and helping people understand the deeper roots behind emotional and behavioral patterns.
Dana blends neuroscience, trauma-informed education, and direct honesty in a way that helps listeners feel both validated and challenged to think differently about healing.
Her core belief: Symptoms make sense when you understand the nervous system underneath them.
Trauma-Informed Therapy Through PLMHC
Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling provides trauma-informed therapy for children, teens, and adults.
Services include support for:
Overthinking
Burnout
Trauma
Emotional overwhelm
Nervous system dysregulation
PLMHC offers in-person therapy in Scarsdale and virtual therapy throughout New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, and Florida.
If you’ve been searching for trauma-informed therapy in Westchester or EMDR therapy in Scarsdale, support is available.
Full Episode Transcript
Rock Bottom to Recovery with Nick Ricciotti
Dana: Welcome, everyone, to another episode of The Truth About Healing.
I'm here in the studio with my amazing producer, Claudio. I always enjoy the time we spend together, so welcome.
Today is also a special day because my godfather is here in the studio with us. He's staying off camera today, but I'm so happy he's here.
And today we have an incredible guest.
Nick Ricciotti is a Licensed Associate Counselor, former law enforcement officer, and Vice President of Reps for Responders, a nonprofit organization dedicated to improving the mental and physical health of first responders and veterans.
After struggling with substance use, losing his career in law enforcement, and rebuilding his life through recovery, Nick now combines his clinical training and lived experience to educate others about addiction, trauma, resilience, nervous system health, and self-leadership.
With more than five years of sobriety, Nick brings a unique perspective that bridges first responder culture, mental health, addiction recovery, and nervous system healing through the mind, body, and spirit.
Nick, I'm so glad you're here. Welcome.
Nick: Thank you, Dana. I'm really happy to be here.
It's been a while since I've done a podcast, so I'm excited to jump back into it with you.
Dana: I'm so glad you're here.
Everything about your background aligns perfectly with what this podcast is all about.
Let's start with your story.
How did you get here?
Tell us about your journey.
Nick: Absolutely.
Let's go back to 2014, when I first got hired.
I took New Jersey's civil service exam for law enforcement, scored well, and it felt like I had received my golden ticket into the profession. I started my career with the Morris County Sheriff's Office, working in corrections.
Getting into law enforcement was never a lifelong dream for me.
Unlike many officers, I didn't come from a military family or grow up surrounded by people in law enforcement. I was actually the first person in my family to enter the profession.
For me, it was about finding a career where I could help people.
I wanted something exciting, something that came with an adrenaline rush. I also wanted stability, good benefits, and a pension.
It felt like the right fit.
Working in corrections, I discovered I was especially interested in inmates involved with gangs and drugs. I was fortunate enough to be mentored by Eddie Santana, a nationally recognized gang expert, and I learned a tremendous amount from him.
Even though Morris County is considered an affluent area, crime doesn't stop at town borders. We still dealt with gang activity, and I found that work incredibly meaningful.
Looking back, working in the jail was also my first real introduction to what people call
cop culture.
Dana: Tell me more about that.
Nick: I think of culture as the shared values, behaviors, and traditions that connect a group of people.
Law enforcement has its own culture.
There's a strong sense of loyalty. People talk about the "thin blue line." You watch each other's backs, you trust one another, and you celebrate together.
For me, one of those first celebrations came after my first use-of-force incident.
I handled the situation the way I was trained to, and afterward everyone went out for drinks.
That was the moment I felt accepted.
It wasn't just about celebrating.
It was this feeling of, "He's one of us now. We know we can trust him."
For the first time, I felt like I truly belonged somewhere.
Dana: That sense of belonging is such a powerful human need.
Nick: It really is.
I worked in corrections for about two years before deciding it wasn't exactly where I wanted to be.
I took the civil service exam again and was hired by the Sheriff's Office Bureau of Law Enforcement.
I thought, "This is it."
I went through the police academy excited about opportunities like SWAT, K-9, crime scene investigations, and warrant service. Those were the high-adrenaline assignments I had always imagined.
But after graduating, I ended up assigned to courthouse security.
Dana: A little different than what you expected?
Nick: A lot different.
I was working inside the Superior Courthouse, screening visitors, providing courtroom security, and doing the work that absolutely needed to be done.
There are people who love that role.
It just wasn't the right fit for me.
The purpose I had found working gang investigations and drug-related cases wasn't there anymore.
I was bored.
And boredom became dangerous.
I started leaning back into cop culture.
I found a group of officers who spent their days off together, going out drinking several nights a week.
That slowly became my lifestyle.
Eventually, alcohol wasn't the only thing involved.
Nick: I started leaning back into cop culture.
I found a group of officers who spent their days off together, going out drinking several nights a week. That slowly became my lifestyle.
Eventually, alcohol wasn't the only thing involved.
Dana: That makes sense. You were looking for stimulation, connection, and belonging.
Nick: Exactly.
Belonging was a huge part of it.
When we'd go out drinking, I started noticing that some of the guys would disappear into the bathroom for longer than you'd expect. Eventually, it became pretty clear that cocaine was part of the culture for some of them.
For me, though, cocaine was never really my thing.
I've always been naturally high-energy. I'm already wired to go, go, go, so it actually had the opposite effect on me.
But some of the guys were also using painkillers, and I had experimented with those years before. Eventually, I found myself using them again.
Now I had this combination of alcohol and painkillers, which was really a recipe for disaster.
That became my life for about two years.
Dana: So during the day you're working at the courthouse, and then you're spending your free time drinking and using painkillers with the guys?
Nick: Exactly.
At the time, I was living about an hour away from work, and my girlfriend, who's now my wife, was a nurse at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.
She often worked several shifts in a row, which gave me plenty of opportunities to go out drinking when she was working.
It became a cycle.
Every so often, I'd do something stupid. Maybe I'd get pulled over off duty or have some kind of wake-up call.
I'd tell myself, "All right, I need to slow down."
But my relationship with alcohol was like a toxic relationship with an ex.
Every time it came back into my life, I couldn't say no.
I knew it wasn't good for me, but I always found myself going back.
I was drinking and using drugs to cope with the fact that I wasn't where I wanted to be professionally.
I was carrying a lot of insecurity.
I wanted excitement.
I wanted to belong.
And I had found a group of people who made me feel like I fit in.
That's what we did together.
Dana: It had become normalized.
Nick: Completely.
The drug use wasn't something everyone openly talked about, but drinking absolutely was.
Going out after work or on your days off was just part of the culture.
Until eventually, my entire world came crashing down.
In July of 2020, I was called into my sheriff's office.
My supervisor looked at me and said, "Give me your badge. Give me your gun. You're under investigation by the prosecutor's office."
Dana: Wow.
Did you know it was coming?
Nick: I had a feeling.
A few days earlier, several of the guys I had been drinking and using with were pulled in as well.
So I knew my turn was probably coming.
The only thing I didn't know was how much they knew.
I kept wondering:
"How bad is this going to be?"
"How much of my life is about to change?"
I was placed on paid administrative leave, and for the next couple of months I was basically living in limbo.
Dana: This was also during COVID.
Nick: Exactly.
So now I was isolated at home.
My girlfriend was working nonstop because she was a nurse during the pandemic.
I had way too much time to think.
That was when a little voice in my head finally said, "Maybe you actually need help."
So I reached out to a therapist.
I saw her twice.
She advertised that she specialized in first responders, but it became obvious pretty quickly that she really didn't understand the culture.
Dana: What made you feel that way?
I think a lot of people don't realize just how specialized working with first responders really is.
Nick: She focused almost entirely on asking questions about the job itself.
She wanted details about incidents and what I had experienced at work.
But that wasn't why I was there.
I wasn't trying to process traumatic calls.
I was trying to figure out how to stop drinking and using drugs.
There wasn't much rapport.
I didn't feel understood.
It felt like she was telling me what she thought I wanted to hear rather than actually connecting with me.
So after two sessions, I stopped going.
A few more weeks passed.
I was still drinking.
I was still occasionally using painkillers.
But the longer I sat at home on administrative leave, the more I realized this probably wasn't going to end well.
I started thinking,
"I'm probably going to lose my career."
"I don't want to lose everything else too."
That's when I was referred to another therapist who worked almost exclusively with first responders.
From our very first session, we just clicked.
I finally felt understood.
Dana: How did you find her?
Nick: Through someone else who had gotten into trouble and was already working with her.
It wasn't through my department.
It was through another first responder who pointed me in the right direction.
That referral changed everything.
Dana: You mentioned that this therapist specialized in first responders. What made this experience different?
Nick: I finally felt like I didn't have to explain the culture.
She understood it.
She understood the stress, the mindset, and the lifestyle that comes with the job. I wasn't trying to convince her that what I was experiencing was real. We were able to get right to the work.
One of the first things she did was connect me with support groups specifically for first responders in recovery.
That changed everything.
I started meeting police officers, firefighters, EMTs, and other first responders who had gotten sober.
Honestly, I didn't even know that existed.
I didn't think you could work in law enforcement and be sober.
Dana: That wasn't even on your radar.
Nick: Not at all.
But these men kept telling me the same thing:
"Get sober. Your life is going to get better."
At first, I didn't believe them.
I couldn't imagine how that could possibly be true because everything around me felt like it was falling apart.
But then I had to ask myself a simple question:
"Has my way been working?"
The answer was no.
So I decided to trust people who had already walked the path I was trying to walk.
Little by little, I started building some sobriety.
It came at a really important time because my wife and I got married in September of 2020.
Dana: You had so many major life events happening all at once.
Nick: We really did.
We got married, and about two weeks later I turned myself in.
I was formally arrested.
I already knew what was coming.
The investigation had been going on, and I knew they had everything they needed.
A couple of weeks after that, I pleaded guilty.
My name was in the newspaper.
My entire world felt like it collapsed overnight.
I had just married my wife, and now I felt like I had completely let her down.
Family members were calling.
Friends were reaching out.
People wanted to know what had happened and whether I was okay.
It was overwhelming.
But throughout all of it, I kept hearing the voices of the people in my recovery group reminding me,
"Don't drink."
"Your life will get better."
"Just keep going."
Dana: Looking back, do you think you could have gotten through that without those people?
Nick: No.
Absolutely not.
One of the first people who called me after everything became public was someone I had only recently met through recovery.
He saw the news and immediately reached out to make sure I was okay.
That meant everything to me.
Dana: Was it unusual for someone to show up for you like that?
Nick: In some ways, yes.
My girlfriend, who's now my wife, had been asking me for a long time if I was okay.
She knew something wasn't right.
Every single time she asked, I gave the same answer.
"I'm fine."
"Everything's under control."
"You're worrying too much."
Inside, though, I was falling apart.
Recovery was the first place where I realized I didn't have to pretend anymore.
I could tell the truth.
I could be vulnerable.
And instead of people rejecting me, they supported me.
That completely changed my life.
Slowly but surely, everything those guys had promised started becoming true.
Life really did get better.
Then our son was born in February.
That gave me even more motivation to stay sober.
I never wanted my son to grow up seeing his dad rely on alcohol or drugs.
So far, by the grace of God, that's been our story.
Dana: That's incredible.
How old are your boys now?
Nick: My oldest, Nicholas, is five, and our youngest, Landon, is two.
Every single day they're a reminder of why I keep doing this work.
Becoming a parent has also forced me to look at myself differently.
I see pieces of myself in my kids, and it reminds me how important it is to continue working on my own healing.
Kids notice everything.
They're always watching.
So I want to model the healthiest version of myself that I can.
Dana: I always say that becoming a parent has a way of bringing your own childhood back to the surface.
It shines a light on the places that still need healing.
Nick: Absolutely.
And that realization is actually what led me into the mental health field.
When I lost my career in law enforcement, I also lost the purpose I thought defined me.
I lost my identity.
I lost my community.
I had to rebuild from the ground up.
As I reflected on my own experience, I kept thinking back to that first therapist I saw.
She wasn't what I needed.
Then I found someone who was.
At some point I realized maybe I could become the therapist I wish I'd had back in 2020.
Maybe I could be that person for someone else who's struggling and just needs someone who understands.
That's when I decided to go back to graduate school.
Dana: That's such a powerful realization.
You experienced firsthand what it feels like to find the right therapist, someone who truly understands your world.
Nick: Exactly.
Around the same time, I also became involved with a nonprofit organization that completely changed my life: Reps for Responders.
The organization became a huge part of my recovery.
The president, Frank Vos, is an active NYPD officer who's also in recovery himself.
Early on, I reached out to him, shared what I was going through, and he simply said, "Come join us."
That invitation meant everything.
Dana: How did you find Reps for Responders?
Nick: Honestly, through social media.
When social media is used the right way, it can be an incredible tool.
Once I found Reps for Responders and connected with Frank, I discovered a community built around everything I needed: mental health, fitness, connection, and supporting first responders.
It was exactly what I had been searching for.
Dana: There's something so powerful about reaching out for help and having someone respond with, "Come in. You're welcome here."
Unfortunately, not everyone has that experience.
Sometimes people finally ask for help and end up feeling turned away.
Nick: Absolutely.
That welcoming environment made all the difference.
Frank and the organization became such an important part of my recovery.
Today he's the president, I'm the vice president, and we still talk almost every day.
We check in with each other, hold each other accountable, and support one another in recovery.
Dana: Accountability really matters.
Not just in recovery, but in life.
Nick: Exactly.
Life is hard.
Trying to do it alone makes it even harder.
Having people around you who genuinely care and are willing to support you changes everything.
Through Reps for Responders, I was already doing a lot of peer support with other first responders.
Eventually I thought, "Maybe this is what I'm supposed to be doing."
That's what pushed me toward becoming a therapist.
I wanted to help the population that understands this life because it's a population that desperately needs support.
Dana: That's something I'm incredibly passionate about.
First responders dedicate their lives to protecting everyone else, often putting themselves in dangerous situations.
But as a system, we don't do enough to take care of them.
To hear that you asked for help and were basically told, "Either go to Florida or you're out of options," is heartbreaking.
Nick: That experience became part of my motivation.
It showed me there are other ways.
Not everyone needs inpatient treatment.
Some people do, and that's absolutely the right path for them.
But everyone deserves options.
I was fortunate.
I had enough motivation, and eventually enough support, that I was able to build a recovery plan that worked for me.
Dana: And that's really what good therapy is.
It's about meeting people where they are instead of trying to fit everyone into the same treatment plan.
Nick: Exactly.
My recovery plan has stayed remarkably consistent.
Fitness is a huge part of it.
Connection is another.
Spirituality is something I continue working on every day.
Those three things have become the foundation of my recovery.
Everyone's path looks different, but that's what continues to keep me grounded.
Dana: How did you know what you needed?
How did you figure out what your own recovery plan should look like?
Nick: I think for a lot of people there's a rock-bottom moment.
Today, our goal is to help people avoid ever getting there.
Looking back, if I had listened to the people closest to me sooner, or done an honest self-inventory earlier, maybe things would've turned out differently.
Maybe I wouldn't have needed to lose everything before asking for help.
For me, though, that rock-bottom experience became the turning point.
Dana: Failure can be incredibly painful, but it can also become one of our greatest teachers.
Nick: Absolutely.
I could have taken that experience and continued down an even darker path.
A lot of people do.
Sometimes people need to hit an even lower bottom before something changes.
For me, I was fortunate that the people around me helped me climb back out.
Dana: That's where connection becomes so important.
If you hit rock bottom and there's no one there to reach out a hand, it's easy to keep sinking.
Support changes everything.
Nick: It really does.
Can someone recover through motivation and discipline alone?
Maybe.
But it's so much harder.
When you build a support system around yourself, you don't have to white-knuckle your way through recovery.
That's what I tell every client who comes to me in early recovery.
Build your community.
Find people who will keep you accountable.
Healing becomes much more manageable when you stop trying to do it all by yourself.
Dana: We talk about something very similar with EMDR.
Healing becomes so much easier when you have people around you who support you and help keep you accountable. You don't have to white-knuckle your way through the entire process.
Nick: Exactly.
That "white-knuckling it" mentality is really common in the first responder community.
Think about the messages you're taught from the beginning:
"Suck it up."
"You'll be fine."
"Get back to work."
There's very little space to process what you've seen or experienced.
No one really asks, "How are you doing?"
You're expected to keep moving.
Dana: You're trained to be hypervigilant.
You're taught what you're going to see on the job and how to respond in dangerous situations, but you're rarely taught what to do afterward.
How do you process everything you've experienced?
How do you regulate your nervous system after living in survival mode all day?
Nick: Exactly.
At the police academy, they spend a lot of time preparing you for the realities of the job.
They tell you about the traumatic calls you'll respond to and the situations you'll face.
But they don't teach you how to manage the emotional impact afterward.
So you learn through trial and error.
Some people develop healthy coping strategies early on because they have strong support systems.
Others don't.
And when that happens, alcohol often becomes the coping strategy.
Dana: That's something I talk about with clients all the time.
Every behavior serves a purpose before it becomes a problem.
Alcohol isn't really the problem.
Substance use isn't the problem.
Those behaviors were solutions to something that hadn't been addressed yet.
Nick: Exactly.
That's how I look at my own experience now.
The drinking wasn't the issue by itself.
It was how I managed stress, boredom, and emotional pain.
Once I understood that, I could begin addressing what was underneath instead of only focusing on stopping the behavior.
Dana: I'm curious.
When you think back to what originally drew you into law enforcement, what do you think you were really searching for?
Because therapists and first responders actually have a lot in common.
Most of us go into these professions because we genuinely want to help people.
Nick: That's definitely part of it.
I've always been an athlete.
I played soccer, basketball, baseball, and eventually college baseball.
I've always loved being part of a team.
That camaraderie was something I wanted in my career, too.
I also knew I wasn't meant to sit behind a desk all day.
I wanted a career that was active, meaningful, and exciting.
Everything about law enforcement seemed to fit who I was.
I was definitely an adrenaline junkie.
I liked risk.
I liked action.
Dana: Have you ever explored what purpose that need for adrenaline serves?
Nick: We're still exploring that.
It doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing.
Today, I channel that drive into growing the nonprofit, building my therapy practice, and creating educational content.
That same energy is still there.
I'm just using it differently now.
A lot of it comes down to self-awareness.
Recognizing those parts of myself helps me make intentional choices about where I put my energy.
Dana: Exactly.
Every part of us has strengths and challenges.
It's not about getting rid of those parts.
It's about helping them serve us in healthier ways.
I know you've done Internal Family Systems, or IFS, in your own therapy.
How did that help you?
Nick: Addiction runs in my family, so there was already a genetic component to consider.
IFS helped me understand where some of my patterns came from.
For a long time, I insisted there wasn't anything significant in my childhood.
I remember one of my friends saying, "No, there's definitely childhood stuff there."
I told her she was wrong.
Then I brought it into therapy.
Turns out...she was right.
Dana: That's such a common experience.
So many people say, "My childhood was fine."
Then they begin looking more closely.
Nick: Exactly.
I wasn't talking about major trauma.
I wasn't abused.
But that doesn't mean my childhood experiences didn't shape who I became as an adult.
Once I started unpacking those experiences, I realized they had influenced the way I connected with people, coped with stress, and viewed myself.
It was heavy work.
There were things I had never wanted to revisit.
But becoming aware of them helped me understand myself in a completely different way.
Now I can ask better questions.
Instead of wondering why I react a certain way, I can become curious about where those reactions came from.
That awareness makes all the difference.
Dana: I always tell clients that it doesn't have to be what we call "big T" trauma.
Sometimes it's the little experiences that happen over and over again, like a thousand paper cuts. Individually they may not seem significant, but over time they shape how we see ourselves, how we relate to other people, and how our nervous system responds to the world.
Nick: Exactly.
Simply acknowledging those experiences, sitting with them, and asking, "Why do I respond this way?" changed everything for me.
Once you have that awareness, it's much harder to keep repeating the same unhealthy patterns.
You realize there isn't necessarily something wrong with you. There are reasons you've learned to cope the way you have.
Dana: One thing I've noticed is that so much of healing comes back to connection.
Would you say that's true for you?
Nick: Absolutely.
Connection is probably one of the biggest themes in my life.
I intentionally stay connected to the people who matter most because I know that's where I thrive.
Human beings are wired for connection.
I see it in my own children.
My oldest son was diagnosed with ADHD, and one of the things I always tell people is that I don't necessarily see it as something that's "wrong" with him.
He's incredibly curious.
He wants connection.
He wants engagement.
In many ways, that's how we're all designed.
Dana: I completely agree.
One study that always sticks with me is the UCLA Loneliness Scale research showing that chronic loneliness has profound effects on both physical and mental health.
We're simply not meant to do life alone.
Nick: Exactly.
Look at what happened during COVID.
People became isolated.
Depression increased.
Anxiety increased.
Addiction increased.
When people lose connection, their mental health suffers.
That's why relationships matter so much.
Dana: As you're talking, I'm thinking about childhood.
Sometimes children naturally seek connection, but because of family circumstances or the pace of life, those needs aren't always met.
It doesn't mean anyone intentionally did something wrong.
Sometimes parents are working, juggling responsibilities, and simply trying to survive.
But children can still internalize those experiences.
They begin wondering, "Is something wrong with me because I need people?"
The truth is, there's nothing wrong with them.
They're human.
Nick: Exactly.
Every person is different.
There isn't something inherently wrong with us.
People often come into therapy asking, "What's wrong with me?"
My response is usually,
"Nothing."
The better question is,
"What happened to you?"
Once we start answering that question, everything begins to make more sense.
Dana: I love that.
That's something we say all the time in trauma-informed therapy.
Our experiences shape our nervous system.
When we understand what happened, we stop blaming ourselves and start understanding ourselves.
You mentioned earlier that addiction runs in your family.
Did exploring your family history help you understand some of your own patterns?
Nick: It did.
When we started looking at previous generations, a lot of things began making sense.
There were patterns that had been passed down for years.
It was fascinating.
It was also heavy.
Doing that work isn't easy.
But I knew I needed to do it if I wanted to become the healthiest version of myself.
Healing isn't something you finish.
It's something you continue choosing every day.
Dana: Exactly.
I think of it as being on a continuum.
We're always growing.
We're always learning.
Perfection isn't the goal.
Nick: And that's something high achievers, especially first responders, really struggle with.
A lot of us want to get everything exactly right.
At some point you have to accept that perfection doesn't exist.
You're never going to arrive at some place where you've completely figured everything out.
Dana: What would you say to someone who's currently working as a first responder and quietly struggling?
Maybe they're relying on alcohol, feeling burned out, or wondering if they need help.
What would you want them to hear?
Nick: If substances have become part of how you're coping, I'd tell you the same thing people told me.
When you stop using, your life really can get better.
It doesn't happen overnight.
Recovery takes work.
There will be hard days.
But if you stay committed and allow people to help you, you'll eventually find yourself in a much better place than you ever imagined.
Dana: If someone hears that and immediately thinks, "Okay...but how?" what would you say?
Nick: Connection.
Connection and hard work.
Recovery has been one of the hardest things I've ever done.
There have absolutely been moments when I've wanted to pour myself a glass of Jameson and just relax.
But I also know where that road leads for me.
I know what happens if I pick up that first drink.
So I don't.
Instead, I lean into the support system I've built.
That's what keeps me moving forward.
Dana: As you're talking, what I'm hearing is that alcohol wasn't really the problem.
It became a way to regulate your nervous system.
Alcohol is a depressant. For someone who's constantly operating in fight-or-flight, it temporarily slows everything down.
Nick: Exactly.
Especially when I was drinking alone at night.
For the first time all day, I could finally relax.
But now I understand what happens if I go back down that road, and it's simply not a road I want to travel again.
To be honest, there's also something motivating about being able to say I've stayed sober without a relapse.
That's something I'm really proud of.
It motivates me to keep choosing recovery every single day.
Dana: Do you still experience cravings?
Nick: I do.
Dana: What's it like knowing those urges are still there?
Nick: Honestly, I'm comfortable with it.
Those thoughts are reminders.
They remind me that recovery is something I have to actively protect.
That's why I stay connected to people.
That's why I have routines.
That's why I continue practicing healthy coping skills.
Those cravings don't control me anymore, but they remind me not to become complacent.
Dana: That's such an important perspective.
The EMDR therapist in me is thinking about secondary gain.
Sometimes people aren't ready to let go of certain patterns because, in some way, they still feel like those patterns are helping them.
As therapists, we have to meet people where they are.
If a coping strategy is serving a purpose right now, we don't force someone to give it up before they're ready.
Nick: Exactly.
Life changes.
My coping strategies will probably continue changing, too.
For example, I go to the gym regularly.
Do I wake up every day excited to work out?
Not necessarily.
But I know I always feel better afterward, so I keep doing it.
Someday I might get injured.
If that happens, I'll have to adapt and find another healthy outlet.
That's just part of recovery.
Because I have people around me, I know I won't have to figure it out alone.
Dana: That's such an important reminder.
We aren't supposed to figure everything out by ourselves.
We're wired for relationships.
Nick: Exactly.
Human beings thrive on connection.
The real question is whether those relationships are helping us grow or pulling us further away from who we want to become.
When I think back to 2018, I had connection, but it wasn't healthy connection.
Today it's completely different.
The people in my life support the person I'm trying to become.
Dana: That's such an important distinction.
Sometimes people desperately want connection, but they're also terrified of it.
Especially if they've experienced attachment wounds or early relational trauma.
There's this push and pull of, "I need people, but people also scare me."
That's where therapy can be so helpful.
It creates a safe relationship where people can begin unpacking those experiences.
Nick: Absolutely.
I still see the same therapist I started working with back in 2020.
Sometimes I see her regularly.
Other times we'll take a break because I'm doing well.
Then, if I notice I need a check-in, I reach back out.
It's not because something has gone terribly wrong.
Sometimes it's just time for another conversation.
Dana: I actually love that.
I tell my clients the same thing.
I'm not going anywhere.
If you're doing well, go live your life.
And if you ever need support again, I'll be here.
That's exactly how therapy should work.
We don't want people to become dependent on us.
Nick: Exactly.
The goal is for people to spread their wings.
At the same time, many clients come back simply because you've built a strong relationship.
Sometimes they just want to share the good things happening in their lives.
Therapy isn't only about talking through difficult moments.
It's also about celebrating growth.
Dana: Absolutely.
One of my favorite parts of EMDR is helping clients strengthen positive experiences, not just process painful ones.
We want people to build stronger neural pathways around joy, confidence, and success so those experiences become easier to access.
That's just as important as healing the painful memories.
Nick: I see that with my own clients, too.
Right now, I'd say about 80 percent of my caseload is first responders.
Some come every week.
Others check in once a month.
Those regular check-ins help them stay on track before things become overwhelming.
Dana: Having someone who truly understands your background makes such a difference
.
Nick: It really does.
Rapport is everything.
One of the first things I tell first responders is, "I used to be a police officer."
"I lost my career."
"I've struggled with addiction."
Immediately, you can almost see them exhale.
They realize they're sitting with someone who understands.
Someone who's not going to judge them.
That trust makes it much easier to begin the real work.
Dana: I wouldn't call that a shortcut.
I'd call it meeting people exactly where they are.
Having lived experience creates empathy that helps people feel safe enough to be vulnerable.
First responders are trained to stay alert all the time.
Your nervous system doesn't simply switch off when your shift ends.
You're carrying a firearm every day.
You're constantly scanning for danger.
That level of hypervigilance changes your nervous system.
Then people wonder why it's hard to relax at home or connect with their families.
Nick: Exactly.
That's one of the biggest reasons I continue sharing my story.
When we speak at conferences and trainings, I tell people exactly what I did wrong.
Then I tell them what I do differently today.
If someone can learn from my mistakes and avoid going down the same road, then everything I went through has purpose.
This is what worked for me.
Try it.
It might help you avoid the pain I experienced.
Dana: Nick, thank you so much for sharing your story today.
I know we have so much more to talk about, which is why I'm excited for Part Two.
Before we wrap up, where can everyone connect with you?
Nick: You can find me on Instagram at @nick_rfr4.
You can also follow Reps for Responders on Instagram.
We do a lot of work supporting first responders and veterans through education, connection, and peer support.
Dana: Amazing.
Thank you so much for being here.
I really appreciate you sharing your story and your heart with us today.
Nick: Thank you for having me. I appreciate it.
Dana: Thank you all for joining us for another episode of The Truth About Healing.
Be sure to join us for Part Two, where Nick shares more about Reps for Responders, the work they're doing to support first responders, and how community can become one of the most powerful tools in healing.
I'm Dana Carretta-Stein.
Thank you for listening, and remember:
We repeat what we don't repair.
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