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Episode 8: Leadership Through Healing with Dave Reggina
- 2 days ago
- 26 min read
Healing Starts When You Have the Courage to Look Inward
Welcome to Episode 8 of The Truth About Healing Podcast.
Most people think leadership is about confidence, discipline, or having all the answers.
But what if the strongest leaders are the ones who have done the work to heal themselves first?
In this episode, Dana sits down with leadership coach, bestselling author, and No Snooze Podcast host Dave Reggina for an honest conversation about how childhood adversity, therapy, faith, and personal responsibility shaped the leader he is today.
Together, they explore how unresolved experiences influence our relationships, leadership, parenting, and sense of purpose. They discuss why healing requires vulnerability, why accountability is an act of courage, and how the people we surround ourselves with can change the trajectory of our lives.
What begins as a conversation about leadership quickly becomes a powerful discussion about emotional intelligence, nervous system regulation, repairing old patterns, and creating healthier relationships at home, at work, and within ourselves.
Whether you're a business owner, therapist, parent, leader, or someone committed to personal growth, this episode offers practical insights that remind us healing isn't about becoming perfect. It's about becoming more intentional.
Listen on Your Favorite Podcast Platform
Episode Highlights
In This Episode
How childhood experiences shape the leaders we become
Why therapy became the turning point in Dave's healing journey
The connection between emotional healing and authentic leadership
Why vulnerability is one of the greatest strengths a leader can have
How faith, discipline, and personal growth work together
Parenting with intention instead of repeating generational patterns
Why healing doesn't happen in isolation
How communication strengthens relationships and leadership
The importance of accountability without shame
Why personal growth is a lifelong practice
Memorable Quote
"You have to become the leader at home, at work, and in the mirror." - Dave Reggina
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Further Learning & Resources
Discover journals, workbooks, consultation resources, and recommended tools designed to support both personal healing and professional growth.
EMDR Therapy Progress Journal
The EMDR Therapy Progress Journal helps clients track healing progress, identify
patterns, document insights, and stay connected to their therapeutic journey between sessions.
Perfect for:
EMDR clients
Trauma recovery work
Reflection between sessions
Tracking healing milestones
EMDR Coach Treatment Planning Workbook
Designed specifically for EMDR therapists, this workbook helps simplify case
conceptualization, target sequencing, and treatment planning.
Ideal for:
EMDR-trained clinicians
EMDR consultation groups
Organizing complex cases
Strengthening treatment planning skills
Meet Our Guest: Dave Reggina
Leadership Coach, Author & Co-Founder of Action Cultivates Excellence
Dave Regina is a respected leadership coach, keynote speaker, bestselling author of 30 Lessons to Lead, co-founder of Action Cultivates Excellence (ACE), and host of the top-ranked No Snooze Podcast.
From overcoming childhood adversity, Crohn's disease, and relationship challenges to leading government teams of more than 200 employees, Dave's story reflects the reality that adversity can become a foundation for growth when we're willing to face it.
Today, he works with Fortune 500 companies, government organizations, entrepreneurs, schools, and leadership teams, helping people strengthen communication, accountability, emotional intelligence, and purposeful leadership.
Dave's work reminds us that leadership isn't about having all the answers. It's about doing the inner work so you can lead yourself and others with integrity.
Connect With Dave
🌐 Website: https://www.daveregina.com
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/daveregg
🎙️ No Snooze Podcast
📖 30 Lessons to Lead: From Breakdown to Breakthrough
Meet Our Host Dana Carretta-Stein, LMHC
Dana Carretta-Stein is an LMHC, EMDRIA Approved Consultant, founder of The EMDR Coach, and founder of Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling (PLMHC).
Her work focuses on trauma-informed therapy, nervous system healing, EMDR therapy, attachment patterns, and helping people understand the deeper roots behind emotional and behavioral patterns.
Dana blends neuroscience, trauma-informed education, and direct honesty in a way that helps listeners feel both validated and challenged to think differently about healing.
Her core belief: Symptoms make sense when you understand the nervous system underneath them.
Trauma-Informed Therapy Through PLMHC
Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling provides trauma-informed therapy for children, teens, and adults.
Services include support for:
Overthinking
Burnout
Trauma
Emotional overwhelm
Nervous system dysregulation
PLMHC offers in-person therapy in Scarsdale and virtual therapy throughout New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, and Florida.
If you’ve been searching for trauma-informed therapy in Westchester or EMDR therapy in Scarsdale, support is available.
Full Episode Transcript
Leadership Through Healing with Dave Reggina
Dana: Welcome to another episode of The Truth About Healing, the podcast that's here to challenge everything you think you knew about therapy.
I'm Dana Carretta-Stein, EMDR and neuro-informed therapist, and I'm on a mission to help 10 million people change their patterns, relationships, and future generations by teaching them how to gain control of their nervous system.
Today, I'm here with my boy Claudio and a very special guest I'm incredibly excited to introduce, Dave Regina.
For anyone who doesn't know Dave, he's a respected leadership voice trusted by CEOs, public servants, athletes, and entrepreneurs alike.
From overcoming Crohn's disease and personal setbacks to leading government teams of more than 200 employees, Dave's journey reflects the reality that adversity shapes leadership capacity. He's the host of the top-ranked No Snooze Podcast and co-founder of Action Cultivates Excellence.
Through raw storytelling and practical insight, Dave teaches leaders how to operate with purpose, discipline, and clarity across every area of life.
Dave, welcome to The Truth About Healing.
Dave: Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here.
Dana: Dave is extra special because, honestly, he's one of the reasons I'm sitting here doing this podcast today.
You had me on No Snooze about a year and a half ago. That's where I met Claudio, and now here we are.
Dave: Full circle.
First, I just want to give you your flowers. Congratulations. I admire what you're doing.
I know it isn't easy showing up every week and pouring into your audience the way you do. This is a value-driven podcast, and those are always my favorite kinds of podcasts.
So, shout out to you, shout out to my brother Claudio, and shout out to Cayivisions here in Stamford. You guys have created something really special.
Dana: Thank you. And thank you for helping make all of this possible by giving people a microphone and creating opportunities for conversations like these.
I always love talking with you because we never know where the conversation is going to go, but somehow it's always a good one.
Since this podcast is all about healing, let's start there.
Leadership is your world. You often talk about how adversity creates leadership.
So what were the experiences that shaped you?
What helped you heal and become the leader and voice you are today?
Dave: There are a few pivotal moments that stand out.
I had what most people would call a typical upbringing. Two parents at home. I grew up in Mount Vernon.
But there was also a lot of stress inside our house.
At the time, I thought it was normal because it was all I knew. When you're a kid, you don't know anything different.
It wasn't until much later that I realized there were definitely things that weren't healthy.
Both of my parents are true heroes to me.
My father taught me one lesson above everything else: never quit. He worked two, three, sometimes four jobs to provide for our family.
My mom was an incredible mother, but she also battled addiction. She struggled with drugs and alcohol for the first 28 years of my life.
Today she's been sober for more than eight years, and every chance I get, I celebrate her.
Dana: Congratulations to your mom. That's an incredible accomplishment.
Dave: Thank you.
It also proves something I believe deeply:
Healed people heal people.
Growing up, there was a lot of chaos in our home. That environment taught me resilience, but it also taught me how to hide.
I became really good at masking what was happening.
When my parents separated, I moved in with my dad at about fourteen years old.
We had some really great memories together, but we also had some incredibly difficult seasons.
There were times when my dad and I shared a bed in my aunt's attic because that's what we had.
Looking back now, I realize those experiences were preparing me for challenges I didn't even know were coming.
Then, at sixteen years old, I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease.
Dana: Sixteen is so young.
Dave: It really was.
I lost forty pounds in four months.
I carried toilet paper in my backpack every day because I never knew when I'd need a bathroom.
As hard as that was physically, the emotional side was even harder because I never actually dealt with what was happening.
I just kept pushing through.
Fast forward to 2017.
I had gotten married young, at twenty-four, and I wasn't a good partner.
Looking back, I was a deeply hurt person.
Most people knew me as outgoing and energetic, but the way I handled pain was through anger.
I'd lash out.
I'd shut down.
I refused to talk about what I was feeling.
Eventually I had an affair.
When everything came to light, I knew I had to change my life.
That was when I found therapy.
Dana: And that changed everything.
Dave: Completely.
Ironically, my first experience with therapy happened when I was sixteen.
My mom brought me to a therapist, but later I found out she was actually friends with him.
After one session he looked at me and basically said, "You have anger issues."
Later I learned my mom and the therapist were going to lunch together afterward.
I remember thinking, "I'm never going back to therapy."
Dana: Honestly, I understand why you would feel that way.
And unfortunately, stories like that do happen.
It's not what therapy is supposed to be, but experiences like that can understandably turn people away from getting help.
Dave: Exactly.
Years later, I finally found the right therapist.
He wasn't taking sides.
He wasn't judging me.
He simply helped me start looking at my life honestly.
He took me back into childhood.
He had me talk about things I'd spent years avoiding.
At first it felt awful.
Honestly, it was one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life.
But once I got through that discomfort, I felt something I hadn't felt before.
Relief.
That was when I realized something important.
It's okay to talk about emotions.
It's okay to face the things you've been avoiding.
That's where healing actually begins.
Dana: That's such an important message.
Dave: Since then, I've spent the last decade intentionally working on myself.
I'm in a healthy relationship now.
Shout out to my beautiful queen, Katie.
But here's what's interesting.
Even after I got physically healthy, I still wasn't emotionally healthy.
From the outside, everything looked great.
I was in shape.
I looked successful.
People assumed I had everything figured out.
But internally, I had no real alignment.
I eventually realized that if you want to become a great leader, your life has to be aligned.
Physical health alone isn't enough.
Dana: What did being out of alignment actually look like for you?
Dave: I had the physical part figured out.
But my relationships were unhealthy.
I didn't have a spiritual foundation.
I didn't really believe in anything.
Everything changed because of therapy and, surprisingly, podcasts.
My therapist asked me a question one day.
He said, "Dave, what do you listen to when you're working out?"
I told him, "Rap music."
He smiled and said, "Let's think about that."
He explained that during exercise our brains become highly receptive because of all the chemicals being released.
Then he asked me to look at what I was feeding my mind.
He challenged me to listen to something different.
That simple suggestion changed my life.
One day I searched for motivational podcasts.
I found Ed Mylett and Tony Robbins.
I remember listening while I was lifting weights and literally getting chills.
I knew something inside me was shifting.
For the next three years, I replaced entertainment with personal development.
Every day I listened.
Every day I learned.
And more importantly, every day I applied what I was learning.
I started building simple habits.
Hydrating first thing in the morning.
Making my bed.
Praying.
Reading.
Doing the little things consistently.
Those small changes completely transformed my life.
Dana: So what I'm hearing is that you grew up in a home that felt chaotic. You never really knew what was going to happen next. Then you found the right therapist, and that relationship became a turning point.
One thing we say all the time in therapy is that it's not only what happened to us, it's who was there for us that often determines how deeply those experiences affect us. Relationships are what build resilience.
I also love what you said about men talking about their feelings.
As the mom of a six-year-old boy, one of my biggest hopes is raising him in a world where he knows it's okay to have emotions. Boys are often taught to hide them, and I honestly think men carry just as much pressure as women in different ways.
Tell me about Action Cultivates Excellence. How did that begin?
Dave: Anytime I talk about ACE, I have to give credit to my brother and business partner, Sean Degnan.
We created the community we wished we'd had when we were struggling.
Back in 2017, Sean was dealing with depression, anxiety, grief, and loss.
I was going through a divorce, drinking heavily, and trying to figure my life out.
We realized there wasn't really a safe place where men could have honest conversations about what they were carrying.
Our original tagline was "Bridging the gap between masculinity and vulnerability."
Because that's where modern leadership lives.
When you combine physical strength with emotional intelligence, you create leaders who can truly change lives.
Dana: I love that.
Dave: We started with a three-day leadership summit, which honestly is a strange way to launch a business.
Dana: How did you even come up with that idea?
Dave: Honestly?
It came from taking action.
A woman named Steph Madonia had been listening to our podcast and reached out.
She said, "I have access to this beautiful 160-acre property if you ever want to host something."
So Sean, Claudio, Steph, and I drove up to New Paltz.
The moment we saw the property, we knew.
I looked at Claudio and said, "Hit record."
Sean and I stood in front of the camera and announced this three-day transformational leadership experience.
The funny part?
We had absolutely nothing planned.
No speakers.
No schedule.
Nothing.
Dana: That's amazing.
Dave: But we believed in ourselves.
We knew the work we'd already been doing.
We started tagging people on social media.
Calling friends.
Inviting anyone who might be interested.
Eighteen men showed up.
Dana: That's incredible for a first event.
Especially asking people to commit to an entire weekend.
Dave: Exactly.
That weekend created momentum.
People wanted more.
So we started hosting monthly leadership dinners at Sean's restaurant, The Sailhouse in Tarrytown.
We also began organizing co-ed workouts to bring everyone together.
Every month we'd gather, introduce ourselves, and eventually break into smaller groups.
Those conversations became mini therapy sessions.
Men started opening up.
One dinner became another.
Forty people became eighty.
Eighty became one hundred sixty.
Today we've had more than 1,500 people come through those dinners.
Then everything culminated with our Health Is Wealth Expo.
More than 600 people attended.
Over 80 local businesses participated.
Watching that grow has been incredible.
Dana: One thing I'm curious about...
It sounds like the podcast was really the catalyst for everything else.
When did No Snooze actually begin?
Dave: I started listening to podcasts in 2017.
For about three years, I was obsessed with personal development.
Every day I'd listen.
Every day I'd implement what I was learning.
Eventually my life started changing.
My relationships improved.
My finances improved.
I became a different person.
By 2020, Mike Parelli and I decided to launch The No Snooze Podcast.
Dana: How did Claudio become part of the picture?
Dave: Claudio and I worked together years ago.
I knew he was into photography, so I kept telling him, "If you can take pictures, you can record a podcast."
He told me no.
A lot.
Every time I tell the story, the number grows.
I think we're up to fourteen times now.
Dana: That's hilarious.
Dave: Eventually he came around.
At first Mike and I wanted to create a podcast about fitness and finance.
Then we realized...
We weren't the fittest guys.
We weren't the richest guys.
So that idea wasn't going to work.
One thing I always did, though, was wake up before five every morning.
Back in the Snapchat days I'd record myself saying,
"No snooze, baby. Come on!"
Mike looked at me and said,
"That's the name."
I thought it was the worst idea I'd ever heard.
He explained that every morning people see the snooze button on their phone.
"No Snooze" isn't just about waking up.
It's about waking up to your life.
Attacking every opportunity.
That's how the podcast got its name.
Dana: I love that.
It came from something authentic that you were already saying every day.
That's the best kind of branding.
Dave: Exactly.
You never know where inspiration is going to come from.
Sometimes it's gold.
Sometimes it's garbage.
I've definitely said both over the years.
Dana: Haven't we all?
The important part is being willing to look back, learn from it, and grow.
One thing I admire about your podcast is how authentic it is.
You're not pretending you've figured everything out.
You're sharing what you're learning as you're learning it.
Dave: That's exactly what we wanted.
We never wanted to be another self-help podcast telling people how to live.
We wanted listeners to grow with us.
If I tried something that changed my life, I'd talk about it.
If Mike disagreed, he'd say so.
We shared two different perspectives and invited people into the journey.
We became parents around the same time.
Our kids were born just weeks apart.
Listeners got to watch us figure it out in real time.
I think that's why people connected with us.
Especially now, people can tell when someone isn't being genuine.
They know when someone's reading from a screen.
They know when content isn't really theirs.
People are craving authenticity.
That's one of the reasons I appreciate what you do.
You speak from lived experience.
That matters.
Dana: Thank you.
And honestly, I've made plenty of mistakes.
I think that's what makes this work meaningful.
We're not supposed to be perfect.
We're supposed to keep growing.
Like I always say,
Smooth seas never made a skilled sailor.
Mistakes become opportunities if we're willing to learn from them.
My husband says something that's always stayed with me.
Whenever something costs us money or doesn't work out, he'll say,
"Well... that was tuition."
I love that perspective.
As long as you learned something, it wasn't wasted.
That's how I try to think about mistakes.
Dave: That's a great return on investment.
Mistakes are where growth happens.
And authenticity is what allows people to grow with you instead of feeling like they have to measure up to perfection.
Dana: One thing you've shared before that has always stuck with me is that you're someone who has a hard time slowing down.
You encourage everyone else to slow down, but you're constantly moving.
Do you ever see that as a struggle?
Dave: Absolutely.
I'm very open about the fact that I still struggle with it.
It took me a long time to become comfortable talking about my past, my broken relationships, and the mistakes I've made.
For years, I hid behind physical fitness.
I looked healthy on the outside, so people assumed everything else was healthy too.
Dana: Why do you think you did that?
Dave: Because it was normal for me.
Growing up, conflict wasn't something we worked through.
In my house, there would be these huge blowups.
Then the next morning someone would simply say, "You want to be friends again?"
And we'd move on.
Nothing was ever discussed.
Nothing was repaired.
Dana: So there really wasn't communication after conflict.
Dave: None.
My dad was actually a very patient man.
He's still one of the calmest people I know.
But when he finally exploded, everyone scattered.
As a kid, what I learned wasn't that anger was unhealthy.
What I learned was that if someone gets angry enough, everyone leaves them alone.
My mom had similar reactions.
Eventually I adopted that same pattern.
When things became uncomfortable, I either exploded or shut people out.
Dana: So anger didn't feel safe.
Dave: Not at all.
Even today, one of my biggest challenges is slowing down.
I've been fortunate to accomplish some incredible things with incredible people.
But I have this drive to keep going.
I want to impact millions of lives.
The challenge is that every time we reach a milestone, my mind immediately goes to, "What's next?"
Sometimes it's hard to sit back and appreciate what's already happened.
Dana: Do you actually want to slow down?
Dave: That's a great question.
I actually enjoy what I'm doing.
For example, when my book sold out a Barnes & Noble event, someone told me I should celebrate.
Instead, Katie and I got in the car, said a prayer of gratitude, thanked God, and then I immediately started emailing more Barnes & Noble stores.
That's just how I'm wired.
Dana: But listen to what you just said.
You did slow down.
You paused.
You prayed.
You expressed gratitude.
Then you kept going.
Slowing down doesn't have to mean stopping forever.
Dave: I'll take that.
Maybe I deserve a little credit.
Dana: I think you do.
Dave: I still think about this a lot because therapists have told me I need to slow down more.
My question is always...
What does that actually mean?
A weekend?
A week?
A month?
If I'm healthy...
If I'm not drinking...
If I'm not using drugs...
If I'm serving people...
What exactly am I slowing down from?
Years ago, I struggled with alcohol.
I struggled with cocaine.
Now my purpose has become the thing that energizes me.
Helping people gives me life.
I genuinely love it.
Dana: That's an important distinction.
Purpose is different from constantly trying to prove yourself.
And your faith seems to be one of your biggest resources.
Those moments of prayer refill your tank.
Then you go back to doing meaningful work.
Human beings are wired for movement.
One of my former clients used to say,
"Movement is magic."
Dave: I love that.
Dana: So your prayer became your pit stop.
You refueled.
Then you got back on the road.
Dave: Exactly.
I still struggle with patience, though.
Especially in my relationship with Katie.
Years ago, I never wanted to talk about conflict.
I'd shut down completely.
Now therapy has almost swung me to the opposite side.
I want to process things immediately.
Katie is different.
She'll say,
"Give me thirty minutes."
If I try to have the conversation too soon, she'll tell me exactly where I can go.
(laughing)
So I've had to learn patience.
Dana: She needs time to regulate before she communicates.
Dave: Exactly.
And honestly...
Why would I want to have a serious conversation before she's ready?
If I want the best version of my partner, I have to give her the space she needs.
That's been a huge lesson for me.
Dana: Regulate before you communicate.
That's one of my favorite phrases.
What happens inside you while you're waiting?
What's the story your brain starts telling?
Dave: Early on, it was all about control.
Everything had to happen on my timeline.
Looking back, I think that was my ego.
Dana: What's underneath the ego?
Because in therapy we often talk about ego as a protective part.
At one point in your life, it probably kept you safe.
Dave: Maybe.
But I also think adults sometimes spend too much time blaming their past.
At some point, you become aware.
You realize your parents did the best they could with the tools they had.
Now it's your responsibility to learn new tools.
You can't keep saying,
"This is just how I am because of my childhood."
Eventually you have to do the work.
Dana: I actually don't disagree.
The way I explain it is this:
Your past is an explanation, not an excuse.
Understanding why a pattern developed helps us change it.
It doesn't remove our responsibility.
Dave: That's fair.
For me, the work comes down to three things.
Learning.
Challenging yourself.
Serving others.
That's the foundation of everything we teach at ACE.
Keep learning through books, podcasts, therapy, or mentors.
Challenge yourself physically and mentally.
Then use what you've learned to serve other people.
That's where real growth happens.
Dana: I completely agree.
And one thing that stands out to me is that none of this happened in isolation.
The catalyst was a relationship.
Finding the right therapist changed everything.
Healing happens through safe relationships.
Dave: One hundred percent.
I ruined a lot of relationships before I had those tools.
I didn't know how to look in the mirror.
Now that's where leadership starts.
With being willing to face yourself honestly.
Dana: Exactly.
That therapist held up the mirror until you could hold it yourself.
That's what healing often looks like.
As children, we need someone else to help regulate us.
Sometimes we develop protective parts because we didn't have that.
As adults, we don't get rid of those parts.
We simply recognize that they don't have to work so hard anymore because we're finally safe.
Dave: I can definitely agree with that.
And honestly, becoming a father changed everything.
I have a five-year-old daughter.
She's my whole world.
My responsibility now is to give her the emotional tools I didn't have growing up.
To show her what a safe father looks like.
That's become one of the greatest leadership lessons of my life.
Dana: So how do you show your daughter what a safe man looks like?
Dave: Just yesterday, we had one of those moments.
Katie and I were sitting on the couch, and my daughter wanted to stretch out across all the cushions. I asked her to come into the other room because there wasn't enough space for everyone.
She got upset and started crying.
I asked, "Why are you crying?"
She kept saying, "No reason."
I knew there was a reason, but I could also tell she wasn't ready to talk.
So I said, "Okay, I'm going to give you a minute. I'm going to go heat up a chocolate chip cookie, and when I come back, we'll talk."
A few minutes later, she had settled down.
When I came back, she told me she was embarrassed.
She wasn't upset because I corrected her.
She was embarrassed that I had corrected her.
That moment reminded me how important it is to slow down and help kids name what they're feeling.
She learned a few things in that moment.
First, I'm allowed to correct her.
That's part of being a parent.
Second, she's allowed to have feelings about it.
And third, we can talk about those feelings without anyone getting rejected or shamed.
Then we went back into the living room together and enjoyed our cookies as a family.
Dana: That's beautiful.
It sounds like the exact opposite of what you experienced growing up.
Dave: It is.
I'm very intentional about those moments because I know how much they matter.
Dana: I completely relate to that.
Even this morning, I was rushing to get out the door.
My son came to me completely overwhelmed because his clothes were bothering him. He has some sensory challenges, and he looked at me and said, "Mom, I'm having trouble breathing."
Everything else stopped.
I hugged him.
We took slow breaths together.
I asked him to match my breathing until his nervous system settled.
A few minutes later, he was regulated enough to go to school.
I probably ended up five minutes late, but that's okay.
Those moments matter so much more.
Dave: I love that.
I really believe becoming a parent teaches you more about leadership than almost anything else.
It's incredibly humbling.
There's also a level of accountability you can't escape.
I remember one moment very early after Callie's mom and I separated.
Callie was still under two years old.
I was suddenly a full-time dad during my parenting time.
Everything was on me.
One night she wouldn't stop crying.
I was exhausted.
Completely overwhelmed.
And I lost my temper.
I yelled.
Not at her personally, just... I yelled.
She became so frightened that she started gagging and throwing up.
I'll never forget that moment.
Dana: What happened afterward?
Dave: We cleaned everything up.
I held her.
We laid together until she fell asleep.
She was too young for me to explain everything with words.
But that moment changed me.
Later that night, I put worship music on.
I prayed.
I got closer to God than I ever had before.
That became a turning point for me.
Dana: It also sounds like repair.
Repair isn't always a conversation.
Sometimes it's simply coming back together after something difficult.
I think every parent has moments where they feel overwhelmed.
There are days when the sensory overload, the crying, the constant needs feel impossible.
The important part isn't perfection.
It's coming back.
It's repairing.
Dave: Exactly.
Thankfully, I've never had another moment quite like that.
But I've absolutely made mistakes as a parent.
Dana: Me too.
My son knows Mommy isn't perfect.
When I lose my patience, I apologize.
I tell him,
"I'm sorry. Mommy was stressed. I shouldn't have yelled."
I never want him believing it's his responsibility to manage my emotions.
Growing up, I often felt responsible for everyone else's feelings.
I don't want him carrying that burden.
Dave: That's so important.
Let me ask you something.
Do you ever feel like a fraud?
Dana: All the time.
Dave: Really?
Dana: Of course.
My clients know the story about the day I threw a plate of eggs at my husband.
Dave: Wait...
The plate too?
Dana: The whole plate.
It hit the wall.
The dog got breakfast.
Everybody survived.
Looking back, it's funny now.
But honestly, I think what makes me a good therapist isn't that I never get dysregulated.
It's that I own it.
Everyone gets dysregulated.
Pretending otherwise is the real problem.
Dave: That's exactly what I was getting at.
People expect leaders, therapists, coaches, or speakers to never lose it.
But we're human.
Katie and Sean's wife always joke with Sean and me.
If we ever get frustrated, they'll say,
"Oh... leadership guy, huh?"
It keeps us humble.
Dana: Absolutely.
One of the greatest leadership lessons I've learned is owning my mistakes.
When something goes wrong with my team, I'll say,
"I messed this up, and I'm sorry."
Not because I want sympathy.
Because I want to acknowledge how it affected them.
That's where healthy shame becomes useful.
Not toxic shame.
Healthy shame says,
"I care that I hurt someone."
That feeling motivates repair.
Dave: I like that.
There's real power in vulnerability.
I remember listening to a podcast about how the best leaders are willing to be vulnerable.
That completely changed the way I viewed leadership.
People don't connect with perfection.
They connect with honesty.
Dana: Exactly.
Vulnerability creates trust.
Trust creates safety.
And safety is where healing begins.
Dana: Let's move into one of my favorite parts of the show, Truth or Bullshit.
I'm going to throw out a statement, and you tell me whether you think it's truth or bullshit. Then we'll unpack why.
Ready?
"Discipline fixes everything."
Dave: Truth.
Dana: Tell me more.
Dave: Discipline changes everything because once you're aware of what's not working, discipline is what helps you consistently choose a better path.
And I'm not talking only about physical discipline.
I'm talking about emotional discipline.
Mental discipline.
Spiritual discipline.
The willingness to make the right decision over and over again.
That's what changes your life.
Dana: I completely agree.
That's why I always say, discipline beats motivation.
Motivation comes and goes.
Discipline is what carries you when motivation disappears.
Dave: Exactly.
I'd add one more piece to that.
For me, discipline became truly transformational when it was paired with faith.
Earlier in my life, I was disciplined physically.
I went to the gym.
I worked hard.
But I wasn't aligned.
When I combined discipline with my relationship with God, everything started changing.
Dana: I love that.
I recently attended my nephew's confirmation, and the bishop said something that has stayed with me.
He said that when you truly invite the Holy Spirit into your life, you'll start seeing it everywhere.
That really resonated with me.
Sometimes it's not that God wasn't there.
We just weren't paying attention.
"You have to sacrifice your health to become successful."
Dave: Bullshit.
Absolutely not.
Dana: Why?
Dave: Because I tried that.
For years I was physically healthy but emotionally unhealthy.
People looked at me and assumed I had everything figured out because I looked fit.
The reality was I was completely broken inside.
Success without alignment isn't success.
Your emotional health and physical health have to work together.
Dana: I couldn't agree more.
A lot of people focus only on changing their body.
But if your nervous system is constantly living in survival mode, your body reflects that.
Stress affects digestion.
It affects inflammation.
It affects sleep.
It affects weight.
Sometimes emotional healing has to come first so the body finally feels safe enough to change.
Dave: I'll push back just a little.
For me, movement was actually the catalyst.
You said earlier that movement is magic.
I'd say movement is medicine.
The gym became the place where my emotional healing started.
I wasn't healed when I walked in.
But every workout gave me another opportunity to become someone different.
As I became more physically disciplined, my confidence grew.
Then my emotional healing followed.
Dana: I actually don't think we're disagreeing.
Movement is stress reduction.
The key is finding the right kind of movement.
Sometimes people jump into workouts that are too intense when their nervous system is already stuck in fight-or-flight.
That can actually increase stress.
Sometimes the first step is simply finding movement that helps regulate your body rather than overwhelm it.
Dave: That's a great point.
"Burnout is just a mindset problem."
Dave: Bullshit.
Dana: Tell me why.
Dave: Because burnout can absolutely be physical.
This past weekend I intentionally cleared my calendar because I knew I needed it.
For me, slowing down looked like spending time with my family and simply not working.
I wasn't attending events.
I wasn't taking meetings.
I needed recovery.
Even when I'm getting enough sleep, there are times when my body is just exhausted from constantly pouring into other people.
Dana: What's your version of slowing down?
Because I want to make sure you actually give yourself credit when you do it.
Dave: Honestly?
It's pretty simple.
Having dinner with my family.
Being present.
Not answering emails.
Not working.
Those things refill me.
The challenge is that my output is so high that my input starts disappearing.
I stop listening to sermons.
I stop reading.
I stop filling my own cup because I'm constantly serving everyone else.
That's why my morning routine is non-negotiable.
Dana: That's what fills your tank.
Dave: Exactly.
This week alone I have sixty-four scheduled obligations.
Meetings.
Events.
Phone calls.
Speaking engagements.
That's before workouts, parenting, or everyday life.
So those twelve-minute breaks become incredibly important.
Sometimes I'll sit in my office, put in my AirPods, cover my eyes, and spend twelve minutes meditating.
Those twelve minutes completely reset me.
Dana: Good for you.
Those moments matter.
Dave: The interesting part is that where I want to go next requires even more.
Today it's sixty-four commitments.
Tomorrow it might be one hundred.
That's why I constantly think about how to build better systems.
Dana: Which reminds me of our conversation with Dan about delegating to elevate.
As your vision grows, certain responsibilities have to come off your plate so you can focus on what only you can do.
Dave: Absolutely.
People actually joke and call me Delegation Dave.
I delegate a lot.
But I also think leaders make a mistake when they delegate too early.
Sometimes you have to build the system yourself before someone else can successfully take it over.
Otherwise you're frustrated because the result doesn't match your vision.
That's not the other person's fault.
That's a leadership problem.
Dana: I completely agree.
There's a season for doing everything yourself.
Then there comes a point where you intentionally hand things off so the organization can continue growing.
That's real leadership.
Dana: Before we wrap up, I want to ask you something I ask a lot of people.
What does healing mean to you?
Dave: Healing means becoming aware of who you are and who you want to become, then having the courage to close that gap.
I don't think healing ever really ends.
I'm still healing.
I hope I'm still healing twenty years from now.
Every season of life reveals something new.
Every challenge teaches you something different.
Healing isn't arriving.
It's continuing to grow.
Dana: I love that.
I tell my clients all the time that healing isn't about becoming a different person.
It's about becoming more fully yourself.
It's peeling away all the survival strategies you needed as a child so the real you has room to show up.
Dave: Exactly.
One thing I always tell people is this:
Don't compare your Chapter 1 to someone else's Chapter 20.
Comparison steals joy.
Everyone starts somewhere.
When I first started speaking, I wasn't very good.
When I first started podcasting, I wasn't very good either.
The only reason I'm better today is because I kept showing up.
Dana: That's such an important message.
People see success and assume it happened overnight.
They don't see the years of consistency behind it.
Dave: Right.
Success is usually boring.
It's waking up.
Doing the work.
Repeating it tomorrow.
People want the highlight reel.
They don't always want the repetitions that create it.
Dana: I couldn't agree more.
Healing works the same way.
People often expect one breakthrough session to change everything.
Sometimes that happens.
More often, it's hundreds of small decisions.
Choosing boundaries.
Practicing regulation.
Repairing relationships.
Being willing to have uncomfortable conversations.
Those small moments eventually become a completely different life.
Dave: That's exactly it.
Small decisions.
Repeated consistently.
Dana: So if someone is listening today and they're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or afraid to begin therapy or personal growth, what's one thing you'd want them to know?
Dave: I'd tell them this:
You don't have to have everything figured out before you take the first step.
In fact, you won't.
Action creates clarity.
Most people stay stuck because they're waiting until they feel ready.
Ready rarely comes first.
Take one step.
Read one chapter.
Go for one walk.
Make one phone call.
Schedule one therapy appointment.
One decision can completely change the direction of your life.
Dana: I love that.
One step at a time.
That's how nervous systems heal, too.
Small, consistent experiences of safety eventually become a new normal.
Dave: Exactly.
And remember this.
You don't have to do it alone.
For years I thought strength meant handling everything myself.
Now I believe the strongest people are the ones willing to ask for help.
Therapy helped me.
Mentors helped me.
Friends helped me.
Faith helped me.
Healing happens in community.
Dana: I couldn't think of a better way to end.
Dave, thank you for being here.
Thank you for your honesty, your vulnerability, and for the work you're doing to help people become better leaders, parents, partners, and human beings.
Dave: Thank you for having me.
I'm proud of you.
I'm excited for this podcast.
I know it's going to help a lot of people.
Dana: And thank you to everyone listening.
If today's conversation resonated with you, share this episode with someone who needs to hear it.
Remember, healing doesn't happen because life becomes easier.
Healing happens because you become more connected to yourself, your relationships, and your purpose.
We'll see you next time on The Truth About Healing.
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