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Episode 2: Anxiety, Burnout, and the Cost of Carrying It Alone
- Jun 4
- 14 min read
Why unresolved stress, grief, and overwhelm can leave your nervous system exhausted and searching for relief.
Welcome to Episode 2 of The Truth About Healing Podcast.
In this episode, Dana shares a deeply personal story about her father, the role anxiety played throughout his life, and how those experiences shaped her understanding of trauma, grief, nervous system regulation, and healing.
Using both personal experiences and clinical insight, Dana explores how Anxiety and Burnout are often connected, why unresolved emotions can affect both emotional and physical health, and why healing was never meant to happen alone.
Whether you're struggling with anxiety, navigating burnout, supporting a loved one, or simply trying to understand your own nervous system, this conversation offers both practical tools and a deeper understanding of what may be happening beneath the surface.
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Episode Highlights
In This Episode
Dana shares the personal story that inspired much of her work as a therapist
How unresolved grief can contribute to Anxiety and Burnout
Why anxiety is a feeling, not an identity
The difference between self-regulation and co-regulation
How burnout develops when the nervous system stays activated for too long
Why loneliness and emotional isolation impact physical health
How EMDR therapy helps the brain process unresolved experiences
The connection between generational trauma, stress, and nervous system patterns
Memorable Quote
"We're not supposed to grieve alone."
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Further Learning & Resources
Discover journals, workbooks, consultation resources, and recommended tools designed to support both personal healing and professional growth.
EMDR Therapy Progress Journal
The EMDR Therapy Progress Journal helps clients track healing progress, identify patterns, document insights, and stay connected to their therapeutic journey between sessions.
Perfect for:
EMDR clients
Trauma recovery work
Reflection between sessions
Tracking healing milestones
EMDR Coach Treatment Planning Workbook
Designed specifically for EMDR therapists, this workbook helps simplify case conceptualization, target sequencing, and treatment planning.
Ideal for:
EMDR-trained clinicians
EMDR consultation groups
Organizing complex cases
Strengthening treatment planning skills
Meet Dana Carretta-Stein, LMHC
Dana Carretta-Stein is an LMHC, EMDRIA Approved Consultant, founder of The EMDR Coach, and founder of Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling (PLMHC).
Her work focuses on trauma therapy, nervous system healing, EMDR therapy, attachment patterns, and helping people understand the deeper roots behind emotional and physical symptoms. Dana blends neuroscience, trauma-informed education, and direct honesty in a way that helps people feel both understood and empowered.
Her work is grounded in one core belief: Symptoms make sense when you understand the nervous system underneath them.
Trauma-Informed Therapy Through PLMHC
Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling provides trauma-informed therapy for children, teens, and adults.
Services include support for:
Burnout
Trauma
Panic attacks
Nervous system dysregulation
Emotional overwhelm
PLMHC offers in-person therapy in Scarsdale and virtual therapy throughout New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Colorado and Florida.
If you’ve been looking for EMDR therapy in Scarsdale or trauma-informed therapy in Westchester, support is available.
Book a discovery call with our team to get matched with the right therapist for your needs.
Full Episode Transcript
Welcome to Anxiety and Burnout: The Cost of Carrying It Alone
Welcome everybody to Episode 2 of The Truth About Healing Podcast.
Today's episode is a little different.
It's also a very personal one.
As we're recording this episode, it's March 23rd, which is my dad's birthday.
If you've ever wondered where the name Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling came from, it was actually named after my dad.
Peaceful Living.
P.L.
Those were his initials.
Philip Lewis.
So every year on his birthday, my family gets together.
We celebrate his life.
We have dinner.
We have cake.
And we remember the impact he had on all of us.
It's not the day he passed that I focus on.
It's the day he came into this world.
That's the day I want to celebrate.
And a lot of what I learned from him continues to shape the way I work as a therapist, the way I parent, and the way I move through life.
Some of those lessons are things I want to pass down.
Some are things I hope future generations won't have to carry.
Both matter.
Anxiety and Burnout: Growing Up With Anxiety in the House
People often say they became therapists because they wanted to help people.
That's true for me too.
But there is more to the story.
My dad was an incredible father.
The greatest dad in the world.
And he also struggled tremendously with anxiety.
He experienced severe panic attacks.
He lived with panic disorder.
He relied heavily on medication.
And he had an incredibly difficult time coping with stressful life experiences.
Growing up, I became very aware of his anxiety.
So aware that I often paid more attention to how he was feeling than what was happening inside of me.
I became the joke maker.
The clown.
The person trying to lighten the mood whenever things felt tense.
I wanted everyone to feel okay.
Especially my dad.
And while I got so much love from him in return, as a therapist I can also recognize something important:
It isn't a child's job to regulate a parent's emotions.
That's a hard truth.
And it's one many people can probably relate to.
The Grief Beneath the Anxiety
One of the biggest influences on my father's life was a loss that happened long before I was born.
My parents lost their first child.
My sister.
Her name was Caroline.
The daughter I have today is named after her.
I watched the impact of that loss throughout my father's life.
Even though it wasn't talked about much.
Maybe especially because it wasn't talked about much.
Losing a child is something no parent should ever have to experience.
And while there were many factors involved, I truly believe that unresolved grief played a significant role in the anxiety he carried for decades.
He didn't talk about it.
He didn't process it.
And part of that was generational.
He was born in 1943.
He grew up during a time when emotions weren't discussed.
Feelings weren't prioritized.
Survival was.
So much of his grief remained buried.
But grief doesn't disappear just because we avoid it.
It stays in the nervous system.
And often it finds another way to show up.
Anxiety and Burnout Through a Nervous System Lens
One of the things that frustrates me most is how we talk about anxiety.
We often treat anxiety like an identity.
People say:
"I have anxiety."
But anxiety isn't who you are.
It's something you feel.
We all feel anxious.
Anxiety is a normal human emotion.
The question is not whether anxiety exists.
The question is why it remains stuck.
When anxiety becomes chronic, there is often something underneath it that has not been addressed.
Something unresolved.
Something the nervous system still believes needs attention.
That doesn't mean you're broken.
It means your body is communicating.
And when we stop listening, those signals often get louder.
Why We Need Co-Regulation
One of the most important things to understand about healing is that we were never meant to do it alone.
There are times when self-regulation helps.
Taking a breath.
Going for a walk.
Spending time in nature.
Those things matter.
But there are also moments when self-regulation is not enough.
Especially during grief, trauma, loss, and overwhelming life experiences.
Human beings are wired for co-regulation.
Babies don't learn self-regulation on their own.
They learn it through connection.
Through having someone help them feel safe.
And that need doesn't disappear simply because we become adults.
Sometimes healing requires another person.
Someone who can witness our experience.
Someone who helps us carry emotions that feel too heavy to hold by ourselves.
When that doesn't happen, the energy remains trapped.
The emotions remain stuck.
And the nervous system stays activated.
That's often where chronic anxiety begins.
The Cost of Carrying Everything Alone
When we don't process grief, stress, or emotional pain, the effects don't stay confined to our thoughts.
They affect the body.
They affect relationships.
They affect health.
My father eventually developed multiple sclerosis, an autoimmune disease that took his life at 72 years old.
Watching that unfold had a profound impact on me.
It shaped how I think about stress.
It shaped how I think about trauma.
And it reinforced something I see every day in my work:
Unresolved emotional distress doesn't simply disappear.
Sometimes it shows up physically.
Sometimes it shows up emotionally.
And sometimes it shows up as Anxiety and Burnout.
That's one of the reasons this conversation matters so much.
Loneliness, Anxiety and Burnout
One of the biggest reasons we need to talk about Anxiety and Burnout is because isolation has consequences.
Not just emotional consequences.
Physical consequences.
The UCLA Loneliness Study found that individuals who reported higher levels of perceived loneliness had significantly shorter life expectancies.
Think about that for a moment.
Not necessarily being physically alone.
But feeling alone.
Feeling like nobody understands.
Feeling like nobody sees you.
Feeling like nobody cares.
Those experiences affect the nervous system in profound ways.
As human beings, we are wired for connection.
When we feel disconnected, our bodies respond.
That loneliness can become a chronic stressor.
And over time, chronic stress affects everything.
How Burnout Actually Happens
One of the questions I get asked all the time is:
What do I do when I'm burned out?
To answer that, we first need to understand what burnout actually is.
Burnout is often what happens when anxiety continues for too long without relief.
If we think about the nervous system, anxiety is typically associated with sympathetic nervous system activation.
Fight.
Flight.
Mobilization.
Energy.
Your system is revving the engine.
It's preparing for action.
But eventually, if there is no relief, the body realizes it cannot maintain that level of activation forever.
So it shifts.
It moves toward shutdown.
Collapse.
Disconnection.
Numbness.
This is where many people find themselves when they experience burnout.
Not necessarily sad.
Not necessarily depressed.
Just disconnected.
Exhausted.
Unable to access the energy they once had.
The nervous system is essentially saying:
"I can't keep doing this."
Anxiety and Burnout Need Pit Stops
I often use the analogy of a race car.
Imagine driving around a track over and over again.
You keep pushing.
You keep accelerating.
You keep going.
But you never stop.
You never refuel.
You never change the tires.
You never take care of the car.
Eventually, the car breaks down.
The same thing happens to us.
We need pit stops.
We need moments of recovery.
We need moments of decompression.
Those pit stops might look different for different people.
For some people, it's spending time with supportive friends.
For others, it's being alone in a quiet environment.
The goal isn't to eliminate stress.
The goal is to create enough recovery that the nervous system can reset.
Learning Your Personal Warning Signs
The first step in managing Anxiety and Burnout is awareness.
Most people know what happens after they're burned out.
The real question is:
What happens right before?
How do you know you're approaching your limit?
Some people notice:
Neck tension
Headaches
Irritability
Trouble sleeping
Racing thoughts
Increased anxiety
Snapping at loved ones
Feeling emotionally reactive
Your warning signs may look different.
But everyone has them.
The goal is to learn your signals before your body is forced to make the decision for you.
Because eventually it will.
Sometimes that looks like illness.
Sometimes that looks like exhaustion.
Sometimes that looks like emotional shutdown.
The body always keeps score.
What Actually Helps You Recover?
Once you recognize your warning signs, the next question becomes:
What helps you recover?
And the answer is different for everyone.
Some people recharge through social connection.
Others recharge through solitude.
Some need movement.
Some need rest.
Some need creativity.
Some need nature.
The important thing is learning what fills your tank.
Not what someone on social media says should fill your tank.
What actually works for you.
Because sustainable coping skills are built around your nervous system, not someone else's.
Finding Joy Again
During our conversation, Claudio talked about how sports, movement, and competition help him feel good.
And that opened the door to a really important discussion.
Sometimes what helps us feel alive is more than just the activity itself.
It's the emotional experience attached to it.
The joy.
The play.
The sense of purpose.
The feeling of being fully present.
When we're burned out, we often lose connection with those experiences.
Part of recovery is reconnecting with them.
Not because they're productive.
Not because they solve a problem.
But because they help remind the nervous system what safety, pleasure, and enjoyment feel like.
Stress Hormones Can Become Familiar
One of the things people don't realize is that the nervous system can become very accustomed to stress.
When someone grows up in a highly stressful environment, stress hormones become familiar.
The body learns:
"This is normal."
"This is what life feels like."
And over time, calm can actually feel uncomfortable.
Not because calm is dangerous.
But because it's unfamiliar.
That can lead people to unconsciously seek out stressful situations, conflict, urgency, or chaos because those states feel more recognizable than peace.
Understanding that pattern is incredibly important.
Because once you recognize it, you can begin changing it.
When You Notice the Trigger
Another question that came up was:
What do you do when you're triggered in real time?
Especially when you can't simply walk away.
Maybe you're in a meeting.
Maybe you're talking to your boss.
Maybe you're in a stressful conversation.
One strategy is using bilateral movement.
Something as simple as tapping your feet left and right.
Moving your hands.
Engaging both sides of the body.
Why?
Because when the brain has to divide its attention between multiple tasks, emotional intensity often decreases.
You're creating enough distance from the activation that the nervous system can begin settling.
It's not about avoiding the emotion.
It's about helping your brain process it more effectively.
The Power of Movement After Stress
Once the stressful interaction ends, movement becomes important.
Go for a walk.
Step outside.
Move your body.
Let yourself process what happened.
Talk to someone you trust.
Call a friend.
Journal.
Allow yourself to acknowledge the experience.
One of the biggest mistakes people make is expecting themselves to immediately feel okay.
Sometimes recovery starts with simply saying:
"That was hard."
And letting yourself have a human reaction.
That's not weakness.
That's regulation.
Anxiety and Burnout, Triggers, and Why They Keep Showing Up
One of the questions Claudio asked during our conversation was about triggers.
Specifically:
Why do certain situations continue affecting us long after they happen?
The answer is that triggers are often connected to experiences that have not been fully processed.
I often say:
A trigger is a doorway to the past that still needs healing.
When something activates us emotionally, it doesn't necessarily mean we're reacting only to what's happening in the present moment.
Sometimes the nervous system is responding to an older experience that feels similar.
That's why understanding triggers is so important.
They're not evidence that you're failing.
They're information.
They're clues.
They help us understand where healing may still be needed.
Understanding EMDR and the Healing Process
During our conversation, Claudio mentioned learning about a technique called Havening.
While Havening isn't my area of expertise, the concepts he described have similarities to EMDR therapy.
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.
At its core, EMDR helps people process experiences that remain stuck in the nervous system.
One of the ways it does this is through bilateral stimulation.
This might include:
Eye movements
Tapping
Alternating sounds
Bilateral body movement
The goal is not to erase memories.
It's not Men in Black.
We're not wiping your brain clean.
Instead, we're helping experiences become properly processed and stored.
When experiences remain unprocessed, they often stay active.
The nervous system reacts as if the event is still happening.
Once those experiences are processed, the emotional intensity decreases.
The memory remains.
But the distress often does not.
Anxiety and Burnout Can Be Linked to Unprocessed Experiences
Many people believe they should be able to think their way out of emotional pain.
But healing doesn't happen solely through insight.
You can understand your triggers.
You can know where they came from.
You can identify the pattern.
And still feel stuck.
That's often because the nervous system hasn't fully processed the experience.
EMDR works by helping the brain digest what previously felt overwhelming.
As those experiences become integrated, present-day triggers often lose their power.
The goal isn't forgetting.
The goal is freedom.
How EMDR Therapy Approaches Triggers
EMDR therapy uses what we call a three-pronged approach:
Past
What experiences helped create the pattern?
Present
What situations currently trigger the pattern?
Future
How would you like to respond instead?
When someone comes into therapy struggling with panic attacks, anxiety, burnout, or relationship difficulties, we start by identifying the current triggers.
Then we work backwards.
What experiences are connected to those triggers?
What memories are still carrying emotional intensity?
As we process those experiences, the nervous system begins responding differently.
And then we install future templates that help people imagine and practice healthier responses moving forward.
Healing becomes possible because the brain is finally doing what it was always designed to do.
Process.
Adapt.
Integrate.
PTSD, Anxiety and Burnout: Looking Beyond Labels
One topic that came up was diagnosis.
Specifically:
Can Anxiety and Burnout eventually become PTSD?
The answer is complicated.
From a diagnostic standpoint, PTSD has specific criteria.
But from a nervous system perspective, I think the better question is:
How is the nervous system functioning?
Whether we call it:
PTSD
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Panic Disorder
Adjustment Disorder
The reality is that the nervous system is struggling to process and recover from stress.
That's why I don't love focusing exclusively on diagnoses.
I care more about understanding what's happening underneath the label.
Because that's where healing begins.
Anxiety and Burnout Through the Lens of Generational Trauma
One of the most fascinating areas of trauma research involves epigenetics.
Many people assume stress begins with their own life experiences.
Sometimes it does.
But sometimes the story starts earlier.
Research suggests that chronic stress and trauma can affect future generations.
For example, if a mother experiences significant unresolved stress during pregnancy, those stress hormones can influence the developing baby.
That doesn't mean someone's future is predetermined.
It simply means that our experiences affect more than just us.
The nervous system is always adapting.
And those adaptations can sometimes be passed down.
This is one reason I'm so passionate about generational trauma work.
Because when we heal, we're often doing more than helping ourselves.
We're changing patterns for future generations too.
Learning to Feel Safe Without Stress
One of the hardest concepts for many people to understand is this:
If you've lived with stress for a long time, calm can feel uncomfortable.
That doesn't mean calm is bad.
It means it's unfamiliar.
The nervous system becomes accustomed to certain environments.
Certain feelings.
Certain levels of activation.
When someone has spent years operating in survival mode, peace can actually feel threatening at first.
Part of healing is gradually helping the nervous system experience safety.
Not all at once.
But little by little.
Moment by moment.
This process often involves:
Supportive relationships
Therapy
Co-regulation
Self-compassion
New experiences of safety
Consistent emotional support
Over time, the nervous system learns a new pattern.
One where stress isn't required for survival.
The Importance of Secure Attachment
When we think about healing Anxiety and Burnout, attachment matters.
A lot.
A crying baby isn't manipulative.
A crying baby is communicating a need.
When that need is met consistently, the nervous system learns:
"I'm safe."
"Someone is here."
"I don't have to do this alone."
Those experiences create secure attachment.
And secure attachment remains important throughout life.
As adults, we still need people who help us feel seen.
Supported.
Understood.
Healing doesn't happen because we become perfectly independent.
Healing often happens because we learn how to receive support.
Final Thoughts on Anxiety and Burnout
If there's one thing I hope you take away from this episode, it's this:
Your anxiety makes sense.
Your burnout makes sense.
Your reactions make sense.
That doesn't mean you have to stay stuck in them.
But it does mean that there is a reason they're there.
Instead of asking:
"What's wrong with me?"
Try asking:
"What happened to me?"
Or even:
"What didn't happen that I needed?"
Sometimes healing is about processing painful experiences.
Sometimes healing is about finally receiving the support, connection, and understanding that were missing.
Both matter.
Both are important.
And both are possible.
Closing Thoughts
Anxiety and Burnout are not signs that you're broken.
They're often signs that your nervous system has been carrying more than it was ever meant to carry alone.
If you recognize yourself in this conversation, know that you're not alone.
Healing is possible.
Support is available.
And your nervous system can learn a new way forward.
Until next time, I'm Dana Carretta-Stein, and this is The Truth About Healing.
Reminding you that if you want to be seen, the first place to look is in the mirror.
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